Hey everybody. I haven't written anything for awhile and I suppose that is actually a good thing. It usually happens when I am working and staying busy and it means that I am spending less time inside my head. The thing is I miss writing. I like it. I like telling stories I like opening myself up to peoples opinions and thoughts. I like being transparent. So I am going to work on doing this at least once a week for now and hopefully I can get back into the rhythm of doing this on a regular basis. I think that it is a healthy thing for me.
I am not unhappy. I am fully aware that for some of my readers this may be a little to "woo hoo" for you. But this is my reality and it is working for me. It has been basically 5 years since I got divorced and a little over 2 years since my friend committed suicide and in dealing with those events I basically lost my way. But one of the ways that I found to get back on my feet was meditation and reading some books by both Pema Chodron and Elizabeth Lesser. The books are "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron and "Broken Open" by Elizabeth Lesser. Now I can't speak for anyone else. I can only speak for myself and for myself these books along with some unexpected friendships that I stumbled into at Broadway Coffeehouse healed me or I should say started me on this path that I feel is healing me.
I meditate now and I focus on loving others and trying to do what I can to take peoples pain away. I try to be the kind of person that leaves people happy to see me. I want people to feel loved and cared for when I am around them. I want them to know that they have value and are accepted by me regardless of gender or skin color or ethnicity. Oh sure I make mistakes but this is what I strive for. I try to live in the present without to many expectations for the future. I try to not say no to opportunity and to new experiences. I have realized that it is okay to say that "I do not know". I have realized that I do not have to know. In fact all that I feel like I have to do is to live authentically and to love others. It has become very boiled down for me to the simplest of things and it is working for me. At my core I really do just love people. I always have but also I was always a little afraid to be honest about the intensity of my feelings for people.
But those days are over. I love people and I strive to love people. I hug people I place my hands upon them and I do so intentionally with the desire to show them that I love them. If I could I would send my love energy through my hands and into them. I want them to feel my love for them without reservation and without worrying about the social structures and filters that society has put in our way. I drive a van for a running team in the neighborhood that I like to call home and so far we have done Hood to Coast and the Wild Rogue Relay and I love those experiences because the close proximity and lack of sleep really tears those walls down and people get to know each other in a deeper way. I would highly encourage everyone to try to take part in such an experience if they can. It is worth it.
That is all for tonight folks and I hope that some of you have stuck through all of my ramblings and it wasn't a TLRD for you. If I can I want to leave you with this and that is that I love you. Wherever you are and whatever you are doing. I love you. If you need someone to talk to or someone to scream out or just a hug do not hesitate to message me. I will do what I can for you. Do not worry about shocking me or driving me away. Be well and hopefully we can visit again soon.
