Friday

gargle, bargle. It is Friday.

I love grilled cheese sandwiches.

Why are the things that taste so good so bad for me? I love you bacon, cheese, fries.

I know that I will feel horrible the morning after. I still want to drink this to excess.

The best breakfast ever. I am pretty sure my heart would stop beating halfway through this. I want to eat it anyway.

I love Deviled Eggs. There is one other egg dish that I love even more though.

Oh yes. A hard boiled egg. Wrapped in sausage. Battered. Fried. Taste Bud Heaven.

"You just shut up Dr Kat and let Lance enjoy his alone time." "Shut up!!!!""We have discussed this before. You are not a dietitian and we both know that Freud was a hack. I do not care that you are half Jungian."

Thursday Thoughts

I realize that I am supposed to be writing something today. But so far nothing is springing to mind. I am not feeling inspired by my disgust with a television show or an actor. There does not appear to be a film coming out soon that I have not already highlighted in some form or the other.

I am actually bored of writing about politics. While I firmly believe that we need to vote and that we need to stay informed. It really is feeling to me like what is going on in politics is just more of the same old same old. The hard core believers on the right or the left continue to get worked up about different bills and potential laws and meanwhile nothing really changes. We have had a "liberal" Democrat as President now since Jan 20th 2009. The way gun and ammunition sales spiked after he won you would have that that the world was coming to an end. Well it is 2011 and we still seem to be cranking along.

During his inaugural speech President Obama said this"

"It’s been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America."

Really? Has that happened? Honestly? Has change come to America? Things do not look all that different to me. Oh wait, wait, Osama bin Laden is dead!! So I suppose that makes up for the last two years of business as usual in Washington. I think more and more that it doesn't matter in America who the President is. The people who have most if not all of the power are the people in Congress. I know that I made the same argument when Bush was in office and I really feel like after seeing these last two years of lots of noise and people getting so angry that it just doesn't seem to matter.

My life has not changed politically at all. I have conservative friends worried about things. I have liberal friends worried about things. But, nothing is that different. We are still in armed conflicts around the world, people still need jobs, and lots and lots of people get sick and die who probably could be saved if they had access to some kind of affordable medical care. These are things that have been the same in America for the last 5 Presidents or longer. All that has changed is the political party that the people can complain about and that most of the time feels like a change in name only.

So there you go. A little taste of cynical Lance today. I think I am getting a cold and that maybe what is causing all of the angst.

"Awwww thanks Dr Kat but I do not think I need a prescription for Valium". Lance said as he lay back on the couch. "Do I look like a housewife from the sixties?"

Webfind Wednesday

I have a little bit of a sore throat today or at least I woke up with one so I am just going to give you some stuff I have found around the internets that I find amusing or interesting.

That is a picture from one of my favorite movies.

Not a favorite but a movie I like and one of my favorite scenes in it.

I believe there is an Owl outside my house right now. I am hearing what sounds like the sounds that an Owl makes. Coincidence? I think not.

That is going to do it for me. I am enjoying listening to the rain fall. I know I am going to miss it when the summer gets here. Does anyone have a television show that they think I should watch or write about? Please let me know.

Tuesday

I spent the day with my parents. So this is all you are getting. I really need to convince them to get the internet it would make things a lot easier for me.

Music Monday (Disco Edition)

Today on Music Monday, it is going to be a Disco edition. So put on your tight pants and your shiny shirt and lets get on that Disco train to Boogie Town.

Our first stop is Walter Murphy with "A Fifth of Beethoven" lets all get down!!!



Can you dig the crazy two handed keyboard action. You got to love it. Our next stop? Well who doesn't like a little Hot Chocolate with "You Sexy Thing"...



mmm,mmm,mmm, so tasty. Who doesn't believe in miracles. Okay lets keep this train a rolling with a little Silver Convention and "Fly Robin Fly"...



Oh yes!! Keep on reaching for that sky. Follow those dreams kids. The train is still moving and lets keep those feet moving as well. Come on and "(Shake, Shake, Shake) Shake Your Booty" with KC and the Sunshine Band...



Ahhhh yes!! Can you feel that booty shaking? I know I can. Who wants to ring my bell? Anita Ward wants to know. "Ring My Bell"...



oooh Baby my head is still spinning. Lets slow it down with a little The Commodores and "Three Times a Lady"...



Well I know your a lady but I have to ask. Well "Do you think I'm sexy?" Rod Stewart and I need to know...



Ohh baby thank you. I know you do. Lets end this train ride with a classic from the brothers Gibb. The Bee Gees because we are "Staying Alive"...





I will catch you on the flip side. Keep it real.

Film Friday

So I went to see "Thor" on Tuesday night for the $5 showings at Cinebarre. I would highly recommend seeing all of your films there on Tuesday nights. Not only is every show $5 they also serve some tasty food and the onscreen presentation is always top notch as well. They show first run movies and other then it not being stadium seating I have never had a bad experience there. Also paying just $5 for a movie makes it a lot more tolerable for me and I am for sure more forgiving in my reviews of them.

Which brings me to my topic at hand. I went to see Thor and I enjoyed it but I am not sure if I was enjoying it because I had only paid $5 or if it was actually a good quality movie. I have mentioned before that I like Kenneth Branagh as a director and he did a fine job in this as he always does. There were some absolutely beautiful shots of space and some amazing CGI work as well. So both his directing and the cinematographer did excellent work. But the script. Oh, the script. When I checked the credits I noticed that the writing credits for the movie had 8 names on it. That is right you heard me. EIGHT NAMES!! IT TOOK EIGHT PEOPLE TO TELL THIS STORY!!! I am incredulous. This is a 115 minute movie. I suppose I should be glad that it was over 90 minutes but I mean seriously eight people. These elite eight are as follows Ashley Miller, Zack Stentz, and Don Payne with a screenplay credit. Then J. Michael Straczynski and Mark Protosevich with a story credit followed up by Stan Lee, Larry Lieber, and Jack Kirby with a Comic Book credit. Now I am not sure how much of these peoples work even made it to the screen or even if this film was based on a graphic novel or was some sort of movie stand alone story. (I know who is who in the comic book world so please do not give me comments citing the importance of Stan Lee and Jack Kirby.)

I just think it odd that any film needs to have this many screen writers. It has kind of been an unwritten rule for me that if a film has a lot of screenwriters it is usually not a good film. But that is a discussion best left for another time.

This is a picture of Thor in one of the Marvel Comics

This is a picture of Thor from the movie.

As you can see they used the comic as a guideline for the costume which is pretty cool. I really did like the visuals of the movie but there were times that the dialogue really seemed awkward to me and a little forced. I thought there were some really good actors in the film and a good if not great director so the flaws really had to be with the script itself. That being said it seemed to rise above it script limitations and when Thor left Asgard and came to earth it really took off for me. Do not get me wrong. I enjoyed some of the stuff in Asgard but what went on when he came to earth was just far more interesting to me.

So I think if I had paid full price for this film it would only get 2 out of 4 for me. But seeing it for so cheap makes it be a 3 and a half easy. It is just a plain fun movie. You might not enjoy it as much if you are not a comic nerd but if you are it is a fun time. I say take next Tuesday and check it out.

Animal Farm

Getting going a little late today folks I went to Costco with my parents so I am only now getting started. I hope you like pictures of cute animals because that is what you are getting today.

I love sea otters

The taste of a banana trumps all inter-species rivalries.

I too hate everything but I love how this little dog looks.

I unashamedly love Ferrets

So does this dog.


I hope you enjoyed the animal pics today.

Zookeeper

So what you just watched was a the newest preview for the new Kevin James film "Zookeeper". I am not sure what has me more upset. The fact that crap like this is even being made or that I was amused a few times during the preview. I am just so mad right now. I am starting to feel like my level of elitism that I have nurtured for years and years is now fading. I CAN'T ALLOW THAT!!

If we encourage this kind of film making then society is really going to destroy itself. I guess maybe we get what we deserve then. Because this is just the kind of film that keeps all of us stupid. Do not go see this movie. Steal this movie. Seed it all over but do not pay your money to go see this film. Do not encourage these films to continue to be made.

Tuesday

Today is Tuesday and I appear to have run out of coffee. I need to remedy that. So good day to you.

Music Monday

Sorry about Friday folks. When Blogger hiccuped in the morning I didn't get to writing and then I just never got back on so I failed in my quest to keep the streak alive. So today begins a new quest.

Since it is Monday lets get it started with the top 5 songs in no particular order of effectiveness that make Lance cry at least 60% of the time or more whenever he listens to them.

No 5.



Not much to say about this song. Those who know, they already know why this song is a little kick in the guts for me. It is worse because it really is a lovely song and I am not a fan of the new modern country.

No 4.



I first heard this song on the "Shrek" soundtrack and really enjoyed it then. I have heard many versions but this one just works so well for me. I am not sure if it is her voice or the other singers but it is just a great version.

No 3.



As usual a great song from Ben Folds but I am pretty sure that he isn't singing this about me. He is probably singing it about you guys.

No 4.



This band!! I just. It feels like every song is just so good. I know that some people feel like it is hipster music but I think it is far better and deeper then that.

No 5.



Not much to say about this one. He took away from Tent Reznor and made it his own. I love this version so much.

Big Bang Theory Redux

So I am just finishing up season 3 of Big Bang Theory and as I mentioned earlier I am going to be revisiting the show. I am still a little skeptical as to the premise of the show. But I can see why people enjoy it. That isn't to say that I think it is a quality show. Because I do not.

I still feel that while the interactions of the characters have changed with the introduction of the female characters. The show is still a pretty typical sitcom. There are no real surprises. You could see that Leonard was going to wreck his relationship with Penny. So when it happened it was not a surprise or particularly sad. It just happened. I think part of the problem is that I do not find Leonard a particularly likable character. He hurts the show for me.

I think that the show works for me when I have it playing in the background and am reading a book or playing a video game. It doesn't need my full attention. It just rumbles along and every now and then I get a chuckle or perhaps an awwwww moment. There might be a nerd specific guest star to gain a little media attention. "Oh look!! There is Stan Lee." But there is nothing greater involved with it. There is no deeper meaning there is no overall story arc that is being told. That is fine. There doesn't need to be a far greater concept in everything. But in my honest opinion that is what I like. I like there to be something deeper to what I watch. It can be a horribly made and acted show and if there is some sort of deeper mystery at the core of it I will watch it.

What I find most upsetting is that the shows that I like most. Those shows get canceled far earlier then the shows that I don't like.That just means that I like things that the rest of the world is just not cool enough to really appreciate. Yep. That has got to be it. My tastes are just to refined for the tastes of the common man.

I always knew that I was special. I have always had a taste for things of higher quality am really able to get the most out of the most subtle of flavors and of entertainments. I just generally operate at a higher level then the common peoples around me. It is hard I must admit that I am so much better then you my readers but that is the sad truth.

Now, I do not expect this realization to change things between us. I still imagine that you will come to me for enlightenment and honestly who else would you go to. The wisdom I impart is far greater then anything you are going to get anywhere else. So feel free to donate to the landrewc Wisdom Fund so that the insights can continue.

Have a good day and be well.

Wednesday

Well another Wednesday, another thanks but no thanks email as I continue to look for work. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

One Last Blonde

I forgot about one last blond that I like. Though this video could possibly be unsafe for work at least lyrically so put on those headphones and rock it out.



Thanks for the reminder Sherry.

Totally Television Tuesday

I wanted to write about television shows or something today but I also do not want to get into a rut and always write about the same stuff. I am torn because I am not feeling particularly inspired today and I hate to just throw up a bunch of YouTube videos because while I may enjoy it I am not sure that everyone else does. So what to do, what to do?




"Sister Golden Hair"? She knows who she is ;)

Top 10 Blond entertainment persons (Based on Lance's own secret recipe)

1.

I have always love No Doubt but I also love her solo work as well. I think part of it is her perceived confidence and style.

2.

I didn't really become aware of Kristen Bell until I saw "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" but recently I watched "Veronica Mars" (which I really enjoyed). I think she is a good actress and seems to be pretty active when it comes to helping others. I think that is a good thing.

3.

Not much can be said about the iconic Debbie Harry. She was and is a classic that transcended the music industry and a real ground breaker for the women of today.

4.

January Jones is a very attractive women but I think she really shines as Betty Draper. I am so looking forward to the next season of "MadMen"

I am stopping at 4. I have grown bored.

Music Monday May 9th

Today is the day after Mothers Day lets find some songs about mothers. These are not in an order of preference they are just in order of whatever I felt like looking for.



That is one of my favorite Rolling Stones songs. I think it really highlights the suburban ennui that can come to dominate the existence of peoples lives. I also like the tune.



A little Mr T with treat your mother right. "Treat Your Mother Right" T speaks the truth!!!



That was some classic punk right there. I like your Mom!!!



One of my favorite Pink Floyd songs of all time and one that always blows my mind just a little bit.



A young boy getting some advice from his mother. This is a great song and full of good advice.



I am not a huge Paul Simon song but I really do enjoy this one. It just has a nice sound and it flows.

Well that is it for today. I hope people had a nice day yesterday with or without their Mothers.

Choose Life?

"Choose Life.(Seems pretty simple) Choose a job.(I am looking) Choose a career.(I have no idea what a career means) Choose a family.(I feel like I am doing pretty good there) Choose a fucking big television,(Have one) choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers.(Have some) Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance.(None of the above) Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments.(Gone now) Choose a starter home.(Gone as well) Choose your friends.(Done) Choose leisurewear and matching luggage.(I like the idea) Choose a three-piece suit on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics.(Nope) Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning.(Pretty much every Sunday) Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth.(Try to not but it happens) Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves.(No kids, will die with my cats) Choose your future.(No idea) Choose life… But why would I want to do a thing like that?(Who decides what life is best) I chose not to choose life.(There was a time) I chose somethin’ else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got heroin?"(Not heroin, maybe books and video games, a little booze)

Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh (Modified by Lance)






Who doesn't need an escape now and then from the mundane?

Television Thursday

I just finished season 1 of "The Big Bang Theory". I am still not sure if I enjoy it or not. The show will be entering its 5th season next year and has won a few different awards and has been nominated for several as well. I have always been of the opinion that winning awards does not always mean quality and I think that I feel the same way about the show. To be sure there are some very funny bits here and there and I really enjoy the nod to popular nerd culture. But I am not sure if on a consistent basis this actually holds up.

For those of you that are unfamiliar with the show the basic premise is this taken from their IMDB page

"Leonard Hofstadter and Sheldon Cooper are both brilliant physicists working at Cal Tech in Pasadena, California. They are colleagues, best friends and roommates, although in all capacities their relationship is always tested primarily by Sheldon's regimented and non-conventional ways. They are also friends with their Cal Tech colleagues, mechanical engineer Howard Wolowitz and astrophysicist Rajesh Koothrappali. The foursome spend their time working on their individual work projects, playing video games, watching science fiction movies or reading comic books. As they are self-professed nerds, all have little or no luck with "popular" women. When Penny, a pretty woman and an aspiring actress originally from Omaha, moves into the apartment next to Leonard and Sheldon's, Leonard has another aspiration in life, namely to get Penny to be his girlfriend."

The creator of the show is a man named Chuck Lorre who has been mostly responsible for the majority of bad sitcoms on CBS right now. Though he did have a hand in "Roseanne" but that was never a show that I liked all that much. I found her loudness tiresome and not amusing in the least. But his biggest crime is that he created "Two and a Half Men" and in doing gave Charlie Sheen a career resurgence that has since allowed for the epic meltdown we all got the pleasure of experiencing earlier this year. I feel that for this crime alone Chuck Lorre should be flogged and hung from the town clock tower but I digress.

The concepts behind "The Big Bang Theory" (TBBT) are pretty basic and the show is filmed the same way that all sitcoms are filmed. As far as technique goes it could be "Laverne & Shirley" or "My Two Dads" there is nothing groundbreaking about what is going on behind the camera in each episode. The has some slight foreshadowing but the only kind of continuing story arc was the will they or won't they of Penny and Leonard. Believe me they are not Sam and Diane as much as Chuck Lorre would like us to believe they are. The interplay and the pining of Leonard towards Penny is interesting and believable. Who hasn't pined after someone who is out of their league. I realize that we are supposed to accept some fantastic things when watching a television show. But there is no way on Gods green earth that this woman

Is going to date this man

I really think that over the course of the first season Leonard has been releasing some form of gas into Pennys apartment and this is making her more malleable to his advances. There is no other reasonable explanation for them even getting involved. I have an incredible personality and I am good, good friends with many woman who are far out of my league and there is no way that it will be any different. This show does a disservice to poor lonely nerds everywhere (Who, lets be honest, have no where near the amazing personality that I do) in making them think that they could ever date a smoking hot babe like Penny. It is never going to happen. LET THE DREAM DIE NERDS!!!! LET IT DIE!!!

The show is also filmed in front of a live studio audience and I am just not a big fan of that. I do not like being told when to laugh based on the reactions of the audience of the laugh track that is being played. It isn't a horrible show but it isn't an amazing show either. I think that is why it is a success. It thrives in it mediocrity. The audience doesn't have to think. They do not have to feel. They can sit in their stupefied state. They are allowed to just float along without any effort on their part.

So that being said. I do find it something that I can just stare at and listen to while I do other things and let it just wash over me. So if that is what you are looking for then "The Big Bang Theory" is the show for you.

Wretched Wednesday

aaaagh!! Moan, complain. whine. Insert snarky remark here. Take something out of context. Complain about it. Make fun of someone. Feel better about myself. Find something else to complain about.

I got nothing today folks.

T is for Tuesday

Today is Tuesday, Tuesday!! It is the day before hump day and the day after the dreaded Monday. I think it is really kind of an unsung day. We are not at the middle of the week and it isn't the first day of the week so most of us have recovered from the weekends festivities and the Monday hangover has subsided. I bet more actual work gets done on a Tuesday then on any other day of the week. Now, granted, I have no real data to back up that claim. But when have I ever let something like that stop me? That is right I never have. My gut is telling me that Tuesday is the most productive work day of the week and I am sticking with my gut. I am so confident of this in fact that I am not going to bother even looking up evidence to back up my claim. I know I don't need to.

T is also for Thor because the premier of the new movie is in three days. I normally would not really care about yet another comic being made into a movie but what interests me is that this film is being directed by Kenneth Branagh. I realize that some may disagree but I think having Branagh as a director gives real weight to this movie. I know that is has been a while since he has directed anything but I absolutely love what he did with Henry V. I also really liked his version of Frankenstein, So, with that being said, I have reservations because I have no idea what the story is like or anything like that for the film but I like the director and I am looking forward to seeing what it looks like and how it translates to the screen.



Have a good day folks. I hope you are enjoying the ride and remember rich or poor, powerful or weak, it is all the same. None of us are getting out of here alive. So lets just enjoy the journey okay.

Music Monday May 2nd

I like to listen to music. I realize I have talked about that before but I was thinking about guitar solos that I have enjoyed and I thought I would share some of those solos with you. You want to hear them? Here they go.


WAIT!! WAIT!! Change of plans. I am going with songs named after women. Some of these will be women I know some will not and there is no personal order of preference involved. I may do songs with guys names next week I am not sure. But if your name isn't here it is probably because no one has used it in a song title not because I dislike you or anything like that. The world doesn't revolve around you so get over it.



Jessica by the Allman Brothers is an absolute classic and has some amazing guitar playing by Dickie Betts I believe. One of my favorite songs to close my eyes and just zone out to. I like the piano as well.



Beth by Kiss is a hard rock classic. It is a little hair metal but it actually is a pretty good song.



This is a song I have never heard before I thought I had seen the Woodstock DVD. I really like it.



Ahh yes the smooth, smooth, country sounds of the Pure Prairie League.



Another clip from Woodstock but this is the 99 version a little Alison by Elvis Costello. This is another song that I really like but I like most of the music by Mr. Costello



I admit I like some pretty sappy music but I am not going to be ashamed of it. I like this song. Aubrey by Bread.



I love, love, love Iggy Pop. This song works for me in so many ways and it has the lovely Kate Pierson and that is always a plus.



Brandy!!! You know your a fine girl. What a nice song about sailors who are in love with the local bartender.

I would be remiss if I did not close this out some classic heavy metal. So here we go with a little King Diamond from 1987 "Abigail" I am pretty sure that most of you are not even going to like this. I DO NOT CARE!!! \m/ \m/



I tried to find the a modern song that had the name of a girl in the tile and the only one I could find in Billboards Top 100 list was Akon and the song Angel. It is an example of the horrible autotuning that is going in todays music. Here you go.



Meh



Thus ends your Music Monday for May 2nd 2011

It's Friday, Friday

I apologize for that title. The title isn't really the problem it is the absolutely horrible song that I lifted the title from. Now, normally in a situation like this I would give you a link or perhaps show you the video from the song but if I do that then I am just encouraging more of the same and I am not going to be part of the problem. Now I realize that my stand may just be a drop in the ocean of terrible that exists out there but at some point a person has to stand up and say enough is enough!!

But enough of that. It seems that lately people around the world have been taking to the internets and putting together two things that previously had not existed together. In particular case someone put together clips from the television show "Community" with the music from the trailer for the Indie-mumblecore-romcom film (500)days of summer but changed the title to (500)days of Britta. I love the show "Community" you all should watch it. Thursday nights at 8 or watch it on Hulu!!!! JUST WATCH IT!!! But first watch this.



Wow!! That link just took me down a rabbit hole of YouTube videos that people have put together from different shows and movies with different songs. Talk about some pretty cool stuff but then I am a sucker for that kind of thing. I love a good pairing of song and video it can have such a good impact if done well.



If that last clip didn't leave with a grin and perhaps a little dance down the hallway then you are dead inside.



Even better one because it combines one of my favorite songs from the 80's with clips from some of my favorite movies. Love it!!! *snap and circle*


Okay I am done with that for awhile. There was some real crap in there as well but I am impressed with some of the creativity that was shown by some of the creators. I hope today's video clips amused you and perhaps put a little spring in your step. Have a Sunshine Day folks!!!

Thursday

I have returned from the coast and in a surprising twist it was a little nicer over there then it was here. While there were a few drops of rain it wasn't until we crossed back into the valley that we got hit by actual rain. Now onto the matter at hand. How was my food at the Tidal Raves?

Well first off the view from the restaurant is truly a good if not great one. I am not how I have never eaten at the place since I basically grew up going to that area as a child on a pretty regular basis.

I had a very tasty cup of clam chowder along with the two piece halibut fish and chips. Now I love chowder and I have to say that the chowder was easily in my top 5 all time chowders. Let me remind you that my top 5 of anything is really a shifting list and at anytime any particular thing could be number 1. So it was very, very good chowder and this is where the problem comes into for me.

I think that I enjoyed the chowder so much that I was unable to really enjoy the fish and chips because it wasn't the chowder. After I finished the chowder and started the fish I almost immediately wished that I had just ordered a bowl of chowder. The fish wasn't bad. But I just wanted more chowder. So I will probably return and just order a bowl of chowder and perhaps a tasty desert because it looked like they might have some good ones.

Now my mother ordered the crab salad and it looked amazing but when she had me try it the crab was really salty. So I am not sure what that was about. I have never had crab salad so I am not sure how it is supposed to taste but it seemed very salty to me and was to salty for her to eat so that was a little disappointing. My father had the same thing I did and he was happy.

Not that it matters because I have seen this man put mayonnaise on top of chocolate cake. Yes you read that right. My brother and I were just stunned. I have been known to eat some goofy concoctions but really dad. Why? Just why?

So, my final opinion of the restaurant. I liked it. I liked the chowder best of all. It had a very nice atmosphere and I could see how it would be a nice place to take a date to. I will be back. I believe that my mother will go back but she will not be ordering the crab salad. My father will eat whatever is thrown in front of him.

So thanks Erin and your blog funny little duck for helping me to discover a new place to eat.

Beach Wednesday

I am going to the beach with my parents today. I am not sure what the weather will be like there but I do not really care either. I find it enjoyable at the Oregon Coast regardless of rain or shine. We are going to eat at a restaurant in Depoe Bay that I learned about from reading my friend Erin's blog. It is called funny little duck. Go their and read it. She really gives some good restaurant and often has some neat pictures and something interesting to read or to listen to.

So on her recommendation I am going to try out Tidal Raves. I hope I am not disappointed because if I am I am going complain long and loud about it.

Entering a Contest!!

I entered a writing contest yesterday and you can do. It was pretty interesting as contests and completely free to do. I also found the concept rather fascinating and I have linked my title to the contest page. You have until April 30th until it closes.

There is really only one rule for this contest and that is that the story that you enter must be no longer then 25 words. That is it. A title and then a story and it can't be more then 25 words. I really found the process kind of amazing and looking at peoples different entries I was impressed by their cleverness.

Vampires Kiss

As Vlad sank his sparkling fangs into her neck, she couldn't help but wonder if perhaps "Twilight" had been a lie.

There I just entered it again. Why don't you give it a try.

Hair Metal Monday

Sometimes I get inspired by things and right now I am inspired to give you some hair metal videos. Have a good Saturday and keep on rockin!!!



Yes!! The epic metal piano has always been a favorite of mine. Just lean back in your chair and let it wash over you.



I do not really think of AC/DC as hair metal but this song rocks so here it is. THUNDER!!!



That is right!!! Pour some of that sugar on me!!! Let it rain!!!



You know that I can't pass up a little Queensryche. "I Don't Believe in Love"




Who wants a tasty piece of cherry pie!!! AWWWWWWWWWWW YEAH!!!



Ooooh time for a tasty rebuttal to Queensryche this band does believe in love and they are a modern version of the hair metal I love so much.



Want to hear a little secret? This is one of my favorite songs of this era of music.

I hope you enjoyed your little trip down the rock and roll memory lane.

Film Friday April 22nd, 2011

Well what is going on in the world of film this week. I believe there are some remakes in the pipeline. (Big surprise there) One of these is a remake of the Arnold Schwarzenegger classic "Total Recall" . Now the original movie was loosely based on a Phillip K Dick short story called
"We Can Remember It for You Wholesale". But near as I can tell this new version that I believe will be starring Bryan Cranston and Colin Farrell. Is going to be nothing like either the original source material or the first film. In fact I do not think that it will even be set on Mars. Of course the short story was not set on Mars either.

There is going to be an American remake of the crazy Japanese film "Battle Royale" and I have to admit I am a little intrigued by this. I believe that there is no screenwriter or directer presently attached to it but I would love to see the people that were involved with "Kick Ass" take a swing at it. Please enjoy the trailer below.



So you can see why I might be intrigued by the potential for an American version of this film. Though most likely the studio will cast a bunch stars and then be afraid to fully commit to the carnage and that will just be total failure. But I can hope.

They are presently shooting the remake for "Conan the Barbarian" which I am not in favor of at all. This one is going back to the source writing for inspiration but if you have read the source material then you know that it doesn't really matter and that the original was actually pretty true to the source material.



It isn't that the original is some great piece of film making. I am just tired of remakes. At minimum there are thousands of books out there that could be made into films. Or what about original stories that writers come up with on their own, What ever happened to creativity in Hollywood? I know that part of the problem is that often people will go see crap and that is how a film like "Avatar" gets made. It was not original in any way shape or form yet people loved it. Well people are dumb.

I think that if you are looking for a new sword and sorcery type film then you would not go wrong to be looking at the Edgar Rice Burroughs books the Barsoom series whose main character was John Carter, Warlord of Mars.....Well ask and you shall receive Lance. I had know idea this was happening but at some point in 2012 it looks like there is going to be a film coming out called "John Carter of Mars" and Willem Dafoe is going to be involved in it. The director is Andrew Stanton who directed "WALL-E" and "Finding Nemo" and "A Bug's Life".

WOW!! I JUST WOW!! I am actually getting kind of excited about this news. It is a Pixar film but I think it is going to be live action. I feel like there is so much potential here and I am actually very excited about this. I am feeling hopeful about movies for the first time in a long time. But I am also aware that my tastes differ from others. I am just shocked I somehow missed this.

More news here. John Carter I am Lord of the Rings level excited about this.

Music finds

I really like music. Some good and some bad but I just enjoy it. So I thought I would throw up some videos for some songs that I feel a little guilty about enjoying. The guilt comes for various reasons and from various sources. I believe these are all nearly safe for work.



Interesting tidbit that the female singing is Katy Perry. I really do think that she has a decent voice amongst her other qualities.



I like this song for multiple reasons. I like her voice and I like the melody of the song as well. Christina Aguilera can really sing but wow this is a dirty, dirty song. I love it!! :)



The video is from the movie Burlesque but the song is being song by Megan Mullally from 'Will and Grace' she played Karen. I had know idea she could sing like this. That is also Kristen Bell in the video who is dancing. Though she can also sing as evidenced by my next guilty pleasure

AAAAAAAAGH!!! There are very few things that I hate more then not being able to embed a video that I want to embed. I know that I take some things for granted about the internet but being able to embed a video whenever and wherever I want to should be a basic right for all Americans!!! WHO IS WITH ME!!!!? I need to calm myself down. There it is. This should do the trick.



That is your moment of Zen. Be fully in it.

Web Wednesday

Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday!!! Welcome to Wednesday. We will sell you the whole seat but you'll only need the edge!!!

Well after that rousing intro I suppose I should be honest and tell you that I am not really feeling like I am able to bring the heat today. I want to. Believe me I would love to find something online that I can unleash the inner grump on today but so far nothing is making me go insane.


Be well folks.

Top 10 Tuesday

So today is Tuesday and I thought, what a great day to do some top 10 lists. So I started looking around at some different lists. But then I thought I do not care what other peoples top 10 lists consist of. I rarely agree with them and we all know that when it comes down to what other people think about the top movies or music or books or top anything I only really care about what I think anyway. Oh sure I will listen politely I may even nod now and then or perhaps make a telling and poignant observation but I won't be listening. I will just be thinking about why your list is wrong and wondering why is it that I am the only one who seems to understand the intricate nuances of 'Gilligan's Island'.

So that being said. Here are "Lance's Top 10 Syndicated Show that he watched during his formative years." Which may or may not explain a little bit about why I am a freak.

1: 'Gilligan's Island'

It should have been called "Ginger's Island"

2: 'Bewitched'

Oh Samantha!! She also loved coffee.

4: 'I Dream of Genie"

Barbara Eden was really a pretty women I thought.

5: 'Wonder Woman'

The original Wonder Woman. She will never be replaced. She is iconic and glorious. I also just realized that she looks like several ladies that I know...

6: 'Buck Rogers'

Col Wilma Deering several of my friends liked Princess Ardala but she was always a little too trampy for me.

7: 'Brady Bunch'

Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!!!

8: 'Big Valley'

Linda Evans was another beautiful blond lady.

9: 'Dick Van Dyke Show'

I think I am seeing some sort of a theme here. hmmmm

10: "Three's Company"

I think at my core I have always just really, really wanted to be Jack Tripper. If I am right in that revelation then that explains so much to me right now. I think I may have just blown my mind.

MUSIC MONDAY April 18th 2011

Today is Sad Music Monday. I am not feeling particularly sad but I love a song that makes me kind of melancholy. So if this does make you depressed I apologize but just enjoy the lovely music.



I just like Adele the more I hear here the more I like her. So good.

Now on to business as usual. Today in music history April 18th the UK edition.

1953, Frankie Laine No. 1 in the UK with 'I Believe'



This was an interesting song. It was not what I think of when I think of music from the fifties. It almost seemed like a hymn. It was on the charts in the UK at No. 1 for 9 weeks.

1963, Gerry and the Pacemakers: No. 1 with 'How Do You Do it?' for 2 weeks.



I really enjoy this era of music. There is just something about it that brings a smile to my face.

1972, (Bonus Track) Royal Scots Dragoon Guards 'Amazing Grace'



Just a great, great song and on bagpipes one of my favorites of all time.

1973, Gilbert O'Sullivan at No. 1 with 'Get Down'



Wow!! I...this is so much like the Osmonds I am a little stunned and the way he looks on the album cover is just amazing. I actually really enjoy it.

1983, David Bowie at No. 1 with 'Let's Dance'



Anyone who knows me. They know how much I love David Bowie and really this song is no exception. I think it is nearly perfect as far as 80's dance pop goes. One of my all time favorites.

1993, Bluebells at No. 1 with 'Young at Heart'



Well, this was honestly not what I was expecting for 1993. I am not impressed.

2003, Room 5 Feat. Oliver Cheatham at No. 1 with 'Make Luv'



I just ugh. So, so, bad.

2011, Jennifer Lopez ft. Pitbull at No. 1 with 'On The Floor'



Sometimes music just makes me want to cut my throat. Why are people even buying this? It is just such bad, bad music and I hesitate to even call it music. It is being run through so many computers and so many drum loops and multiple auto tuners that any resemblance to actual music is completely missing.

So as a pallet cleanser I bring you the latest from the Decemberists 'This Is Why We Fight'



This is good music. This is why I listen to music. This is why music touches my heart and my soul. There is real depth and feeling to this. If the music that you are listening to doesn't impact you then why are you bothering to even listen to it. It is just a waste of your time and you are encouraging the industry to continue to create crap. So please just go away.

Funny Pictures Friday

These are pictures that I find funny.

That looks like a good book.

Laser Gun Safety is of the utmost importance.

He is right. I have never heard Dog Whistles

He is loving life.

One of my favorite movies.

I wonder if he uses glitter?

Portland Timbers

This is why I am a fan. This is why I love soccer.

Home Opener!!!!

It is finally time. Today is the day. Tonight is the night. The home opener for the Portland Timbers is at hand and thanks to my good, good, friend Nick. I will be sitting in either section 119 or 118 and in the second or third row. I am beyond excited for the game at this point. The newly renovated stadium is supposed to look amazing and the sight lines for the field are supposed to be perfectly clear. The team seems to be relatively healthy and I am really hoping that they can come out of the gate quickly and get on the score sheet.

That is all. I am far to excited to focus right now. RCTID!!!!

Web Wednesday

I am just not feeling it much this morning. The creative juices just do not seem to be flowing today. I am not sure what the problem. I have been diligently searching the far corners of the internet to find something to impress you guys with but I have so far been unable to unearth anything that I find worthy of my fan base.

Because, lets face it, I do it for the fans. I know that there are a lot of people who really depend on what I have to say. I know that they look for daily guidance so that they are able to tell their friends what is cool and what all of the hot new trends are. I get it. I realize that I am the coolest cat in the land. It is something that I have had to deal with for years but you know I get through it. I get through it mainly by sheer will power. That and my incredibly large ego.

So here are my three favorite bands right now. You may have heard of them you may not have. But enjoy the smooth, smooth sounds and sweet jazz stylings...



Now normally I find it he height of pretentiousness when an artist records themselves with an orchestra but this really works for Ben Folds. I suppose it is is just style of music. I think that the inherent sadness in his music just fits with the sound of the orchestra.



I just love this older Decemberists song. I think it is because I did Model United Nations so it really makes me laugh. But I also really enjoy the musical craftsmanship of it. It is rare for me to not enjoy one of their songs in one way or the other.



So many White Stripes songs to choose from. This is one that I just always get a kick out of. It is played in what I believe is the saddest key of all. The plaintive note in Mr Whites voice tells us of his need for a friend and how important it is for all of us to have friends in life.

Take a moment today and thank your friends. Or make some new ones.
Aw...hell here is one more

SCA Tuesday

SCA stands for The Society For Creative Anachronism, INC. Well, what does that mean you ask. The best answer that I can give you comes from the website itself:

"The SCA is an international organization dedicated to researching and re-creating the arts and skills of pre-17th-century Europe. Our "Known World" consists of 19 kingdoms, with over 30,000 members residing in countries around the world. Members, dressed in clothing of the Middle Ages and Renaissance, attend events which feature tournaments, royal courts, feasts, dancing, various classes & workshops, and more.”

I am an avid book reader and the topics in these books range from the political to the fantastical and all points in between. I also have always enjoyed a good historical yarn and I have found the medieval particularly fascinating for a couple of reasons. I find it very interesting that we tend to romanticize an era of history that was pretty dark and miserable. There was not a lot of running water and it very much was a time of disease and a time of haves and have nots. I can imagine that if a person who was a serf in that time period was brought forward in time to today I doubt they would want to return to tending sheep for the local Duke.

I also like the idea of people running around with swords and axes. I think that guns are an amazing piece of technology but I do think it would be pretty cool to live in a world where guns were never created. Not to get to "hippy dippy" I just think it would be pretty fascinating. There would probably be drive by sling shootings but it would still be pretty interesting. (hmmmmm, possible story idea that I will most likely start and never finish)

So all of my long windedness aside. I found out that the local SCA group was putting on a demonstration or Riverfront Faire this last weekend at Riverfront Park here in downtown Salem. So I headed on down on Sunday to check it out. Up until now my only real life experience with historical reenactments has been the 4th of July Civil War reenactments that take place at Mission Bottom park. Now this event is not as big or as ambitious as the Civil War event but I was pleasantly surprised. In the picture below there are some members doing some combat demonstrations that I found very enjoyable to watch and while there was not much clanging of metal there was still a lot of loud thwacking and thumping of wood and bamboo.

They had a rather large circle of cloth pavilions set up and each one seemed to hold a different aspect of what it is that the SCA does. There was a blacksmith and some bards, There were some highborn ladies doing some sewing. It really was a nice pleasant atmosphere and was very family friendly. If you get a chance I would highly recommend checking it out.

Also if your looking for a good series of fictional books that deal with some SCA stuff perhaps I might encourage you to check out the Emberverse series of books by S.M. Stirling. The first book in the series is called 'Dies the Fire' and it is set in 1998. The catalyst of everything is a worldwide event that stops electricity and gunpowder and really most forms of technology from working. It all happens in an instant. They are just kind of a fun series of books and I find them all the more interesting because they take place in the Willamette Valley. Let me add though that if you are expecting a literary masterpiece you probably should look in another direction. But, if you are looking for some mindlessly fun reading you should check these out.

April 11th 2011 Music Monday

It is Music Monday lets get this party started. So lets get it going with a few tasty historical tidbits and then we will take a look at the charts as well.

1970-Paul McCartney announced a "temporary break with the Beatles". Peter Green announces that he will be leaving Fleetwood Mac.
1981-Eddie VanHalen marries Valerie Bertinelli. Also known as the day that VanHalen died as a band.
1983-R.E.M. releases their first album 'Murmur'.
1988-Cher wins Best Actress Oscar for 'Moonstruck'.
1990-Elton John plays at Ryan Whites funeral.
1994-Seattle,WA, coroner rules Kurt Cobain's death a suicide.
2000-No Doubt releases 'Return to Saturn'
2002-Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson get engaged.

And now off to the charts which in some ways is my favorite part of the blog. It is a little trip down memory lane and sometimes lets me find and remember some good artists that I had either forgotten about or had not even heard of. Lets look at number 1 singles.

1969- No. 1 Single Tommy Roe-'Dizzy' I thought this was interesting a song that I recognized once it began to play but I did not remember the title. It is pretty derivative of this era of music I think.



1979-No.1 Single Gloria Gaynor-'I Will Survive' I am not a big disco fan at all. But, this is a classic of the disco era and I can appreciate it for the power of Gloria's vocals.



1989-No. 1 Single Roxette-'The Look' This is a song that I think I may have heard just a little to often because I could not bring myself to really listen to the whole thing. It just does not work for me at all. But it is pretty typical of the late 80's.



1999-No. 1 Single TLC -'No Scrubs' Again this is not my favorite type of music but I kind of enjoy this song. I am not sure what I find enjoyable about it but I think the beat is catchy and it does touch on a real problem in society. That of gangs of young men driving around and yelling at ladies on the street. No Scrubs!! Lets keep it clean fellas.



2009-No. 1 Single Lady GaGa-'Poker Face' I had not realized that it has been two years since Lady GaGa burst onto the scene. While I enjoy this song, I really think that Lady GaGa is patently overrated. The majority of what she does is a pretty direct rip off of things that Madonna has done before. Now that isn't necessarily a bad thing because Madonna, early Madonna, was an amazingly talented artist. But lets be honest about it. Why act like she is some groundbreaking artist? She isn't. She is talented but come on. It isn't like she is doing anything new.



2010- No. 1 Single Rihanna-'Rude Boy' I really like this songs delicate and nuanced examination of love between a lady and a gentleman. The subtle nature of the discussion makes it possible to almost miss what Miss Rihanna is singing about but if you listen real close then I am sure that you can see the hidden meaning behind the music.



2011-No. 1 Single Katy Perry-'E.T.' ft. Kanye West. This song just works for me. The chorus and the bridge I always find myself just kind of toe tapping along. The video I do not think is anything special and I do not that Katy Perry is doing anything groundbreaking in her music. But I enjoy her music.



Well that is the countdown for this week. But after all of the dance tracks I really feel like I should let you guys do some pallet cleansing. So without further adieu I am going to leave you with this little gem.

Film Friday For April 8, 2011

The number one film in America today is a little CGI film called 'Hop'. I really know nothing about it. I did not find the trailer for it all that amusing. But I guess it is working as a kids movie. Maybe this is a good time of year for kids films? Lets hop into...(That was not intended) Lets climb into the time machine and find out.

April 8, 1982: Porky's Rated R
April 8, 1983: Tootsie. Rated PG
April 8, 1984: Police Academy. Rated R
April 8, 1985: Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment. Rated PG13
April 8, 1986: Police Academy 3: Back in Training. Rated PG
April 8, 1987: Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol. Rated PG
April 8, 1988: Beetlejuice. Rated PG
April 8, 1989: Major League. Rated R
April 8, 1990: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Rated PG
April 8, 1991: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II. Rated PG
April 8, 1992: Basic Instinct. Rated R
April 8, 1993: Cop and a Half. Rated PG
April 8, 1994: D2: The Mighty Ducks. Rated PG
April 8, 1995: Bad Boys. Rated R
April 8, 1996: Primal Fear. Rated R
April 8, 1997: Liar Liar. Rated PG13
April 8, 1998: Lost in Space. Rated PG13
April 8, 1999: The Matrix. Rated R
April 8, 2000: Rules of Engagement. Rated R
April 8, 2001: Spy Kids. Rated PG
April 8, 2002: Panic Room. Rated R
April 8, 2003: Phone Booth. Rated R
April 8, 2004: Hellboy. Rated R
April 8, 2005: Sahara. Rated. PG13
April 8, 2006: Ice Age 2: The Meltdown. Rated PG
April 8, 2007: Blades of Glory. Rated PG
April 8, 2008: 21. Rated R
April 8, 2009: Fast and Furious. Rated PG13
April 8, 2010: Clash of the Titans. Rated PG13
April 8, 2011: Hop. Rated PG

So there you are. Now I realize that this is a pretty long and some of you might find it boring list. I actually found it kind of fascinating. I have seen every movie on this list except for two of them. I will give out bonus points to a reader who can guess which two in the comments list. I will also give out bonus points if anyone can tell what movie on this list I think is the best one.

But back to what I found interesting. This list has 30 films on it. Of that 30 there are 0 films rated G. There are 11 films rated PG. There are 6 films rated PG13. Which leaves us with 12 films rated R. So the films are pretty equally spread out amongst the different ratings possibilities.

I was actually surprised by the number of sequels on this list. The four year run of Police Academy films actually made me a little ill. These are not good movies. I mean I think it is almost impossible to find a way to enjoy them ironically. I want to punch 14 yr old Lance in the face for having enjoyed them. If I could go back in time I would meet myself at the Hollywood Video and just slap the VHS tape out of my hand and then I would hit myself right between the eyes. Here is the trailer.



They made four more of these films and the other were not even rated R. The lousy script and acting aside. It doesn't even look like it was filmed by professionals. I am amazed at how bad it looks. Would you like to know how much money it made? It was in the theaters for 14 weeks and grossed $77,743,244. That is in domestic dollars people!!!! The actual domestic total gross which is calculated differently then the other was $81,198,894. So it is not a surprise that they made several sequels. How many you ask?

There have been seven!!! That is right seven!!! The total amount of money made for these and I am sure it is still rising with DVD and cable showings is $239,643,235. They made seven of these films in ten years. So think about that when you wonder why Hollywood continues to make crappy movies. We as consumers encourage it by going to see them. Though I wonder if the internet as it exists today existed back then if this movie would have made as much money. I do not think it would have.

Thirsty Thursday: Tea For Two

I tend to drink mainly coffee. That is my drink of choice to start the day but it really has a lot more to do with caffeine content then flavor choice. But tea is a whole different matter. Now while I drink my coffee completely black I do at times add a little bit of sweetener but that is usually when I am out someplace and I am forced to drink a coffee that I do not like the flavor of.

There are times though when I like a nice cup of black tea. When I do that I like it with some cream or milk and some sugar. To me that is super tasty. So lets talk about the how to make the perfect cup of tea. I found an interesting 11 step recipe for Tea from the BBC that "claims" they are from George Orwell. So without further adieu.

GEORGE ORWELL'S TEA RULES
1. Use tea from India or Ceylon (Sri Lanka), not China
2. Use a teapot, preferably ceramic
3. Warm the pot over direct heat
4. Tea should be strong - six spoons of leaves per 1 litre
5. Let the leaves move around the pot - no bags or strainers
6. Take the pot to the boiling kettle
7. Stir or shake the pot
8. Drink out of a tall, mug-shaped tea cup
9. Don't add creamy milk
10. Add milk to the tea, not vice versa
11. No sugar!

Now far be it from me to argue with George Orwell but I am going to. Really for two reasons. 1. He was British. 2. I am American and in our constitution I am guaranteed the right to give my opinion on issues I know next to nothing about and to hold so strongly to those opinions that I will stand and die upon that position. You know it and I know it. So it is best if we just understand that and move on.

The biggest problem that I have with Orewell's rules for tea is that I think it would be far to strong. Without sweetener black tea is really bitter so I just can't imagine drinking it without some kind of sweetener be it honey or sugar or something. Other then that it seems fine to me. Though there are some detractors mainly the Royal Society of Chemistry (RSC)

1: Warm the pot using soft water
2: Synchronise. Bring the warmed pot straight to the just-boiled kettle and place a single heaped teaspoon of loose Assam leaves into the pot.

Pour in the boiling water immediately. If the water is allowed to cool, it is less effective in releasing the chemicals in the tea leaves. The use of a tea cosy is not recommended, since the liquid needs to cool before pouring.

3:Stir the brewing tea and leave it for three minutes. This time allows for the release of polyphenolic compounds, which will give the tea its rich colour and flavour. A longer infusion period will unlock high molecular weight chemicals which taste bitter.

You cannot reduce the amount of caffeine in your cuppa by shortening the infusion time, most of the stimulant is released within a minute.

4:Stir the brewing tea and leave it for three minutes. This time allows for the release of polyphenolic compounds, which will give the tea its rich colour and flavour. A longer infusion period will unlock high molecular weight chemicals which taste bitter.

You cannot reduce the amount of caffeine in your cuppa by shortening the infusion time, most of the stimulant is released within a minute.

5:The finished tea should be a "rich, attractive colour" and be somewhere in the region of 65 degrees centigrade – any hotter and scientists warn that "vulgar slurping" might be required.

Dr Andrew Stapley says: "For best results carry a heavy bag of shopping – or walk the dog – in cold, driving rain for at least half an hour beforehand. This will make the tea taste out of this world."

So there you go. That is the best way to make tea according to the RSC and they would know. I mean they are real scientists. Who else would know better?

As far as brand of tea goes. I like PGtips. It is an English brand and I get it at Cost Plus Wold Market. Not only do they have a large selection of beer and wine they also have some tasty snacks from all over the world as well as a large selection of coffees and tea. So if you are looking for something tasty or perhaps for some nice home furnishings then this store is the place for you.

I hope you enjoyed the shopping tips in the blog today.