Today is one of those days. It is a day where things are just kind of fuzzy and there is a certain gloominess to what I am feeling. The trouble is that I am not sure how to pin down what I am feeling or why I am feeling the feelings that I can't seem to understand. The only thing that I seem to be sure of, is that these feelings are going to make me end up in tears later.
It isn't that I mind crying, because I don't. I feel like it is a healthy release of my emotions and stops me from bottling things up inside. But the problem for me is when I do not know why I am crying. Then it doesn't feel beneficial at all. I am sure that it is vaguely related to this time of year and the season. I know that for many of us this is a time from Oct to the end of Dec of fun and family and thanksgiving and gifting and sharing our lives with others.
But for me, since the divorce, it has become a time of bittersweet nostalgia and I would prefer if it wasn't like that for me at all. But you can't always get what you want.
To be honest...since I have grown older, I just do not really care about the holidays. It just seems to be a time of stress and emotional pain for people. Not a time of relaxation and rest, whatever that means. That is part of my problem as well, because I am sure that if my holidays were the typical Norman Rockwell picture I would probably complain about that as well.
It isn't that I mind crying, because I don't. I feel like it is a healthy release of my emotions and stops me from bottling things up inside. But the problem for me is when I do not know why I am crying. Then it doesn't feel beneficial at all. I am sure that it is vaguely related to this time of year and the season. I know that for many of us this is a time from Oct to the end of Dec of fun and family and thanksgiving and gifting and sharing our lives with others.
But for me, since the divorce, it has become a time of bittersweet nostalgia and I would prefer if it wasn't like that for me at all. But you can't always get what you want.
To be honest...since I have grown older, I just do not really care about the holidays. It just seems to be a time of stress and emotional pain for people. Not a time of relaxation and rest, whatever that means. That is part of my problem as well, because I am sure that if my holidays were the typical Norman Rockwell picture I would probably complain about that as well.
I just want to smack that little kid in the front right in the chest. I would leap off of the stairs and hit him with a two footed flying kick, knocking him backwards into his family and much like a dominos driving him and his idiot grinning family back out the door like bowling pins!! Little shit and his little shit grin!!
BAH HUMBUG!!
3 comments:
Does it help that hardly anyone has Norman Rockwell moments? He was being ironic when he painted all those scenes. The older I get, the less I care about the "perfect holiday," too. It's time you make some new traditions of your own choosing...I suggest you come to my house and drink spiked egg nog and eat bad pizza and watch the entire first season of Game of Thrones and we'll thumb our noses at the holiday season. :-)
@Megan: That sounds like an amazing idea. ;)
I'm going to a thanksgiving dinner with 35 relatives....I'll be thankful for the rum and coke I have after turkey.
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