Monday Music Mix

Morning folks. Why don't you hop on board the music train with me and we will get this week started.

It's Still Rock n Roll To Me- Billy Joel

This is a nice toe tapper to get things going this morning. I think the song is probably pretty dated but overall I do enjoy it.

Step Into My Office, Baby - Belle and Sebastian

Oh my Glob. I love this song. It reminds me of Mad Men which is a show that I love. But that isn't the only thing. It is a just a great song. So far I am feeling pretty good about the musical mix and how it is starting the day off. Good stuff.

I did my Hindu squats and my deep breathing this morning and it is actually kind of amazing to me how quickly I feel a benefit from doing that. I can feel a fundamental difference in my physical well being. I do not know if it is just me being aware of my breathing and breathing deep and slow and getting all that oxygen into my body while I do my movements but it works. At least for me.

Stranger In Town - TOTO

Classic mid 80's song. Honestly how can you not like Toto? I suppose that you can but I think you might be a musical snob if you do. It is okay to be a musical snob. I used to be one and I still am in some ways. But if you are just own it. Don't deny it. Throw it in the haters face and force them to deal with it. Back to the song. I also find the lyrics pretty interesting and it has a catchy chorus.

Work, work, work. I would love to find a way to have some sort of gainful employment. At this point depending on what happens with week with the feds and unemployment I may need to see if I can find a job flipping burgers or cleaning toilets at the local burger emporium. Lord spare me. We shall see what happens.

There She Goes Again - R. E. M.

This is a cover of a Velvet Underground song and I like what R.E.M. has done with it. When a band does something clever with a cover it is usually something that is very nice to listen too. I think that is the case here. Good stuff.

Lonely Boy - The Black Keys

This is one of my favorite songs of 2011 and one of my favorite bands. Solid rockers and they put out a nice volume and depth of noise for a duo. This song has a nice beat and is easy to dance to.

Hey You - Pink Floyd

This is nice. Slowing it down as we wrap things up for the day. As far as I am concerned, Pink Floyd is always welcome at the musical party.

Keep it real and stay warm out there today folks. Be honest with and love each other.

Friday....

The Who - The Real Me

I know that I have posted this song before. I know that because it is from one of my all time favorite bands on my all time favorite album of theirs. I believe that the album "Quadrophenia" is the best rock opera of all time and I would also say that it is one of the best just plain albums of all time. But as I was listening to it today I also realized that this song does say an awful lot about me and who I am. This question..."Can you see the real me?" I think is a very real one and one that we all struggle with from time to time. The search to find the answer can lead us to some pretty dark places but also to some pretty good places as well.

Black Sabbath - Psycho Man

I have begun to realize that in the last month as I have been trying to process my feelings and experiences in dealing with the death and the loss of my friend and brother Eric that I have probably been far more honest about my feelings and emotions then I ever have before. At least to such a potentially wide audience. I realize that this also may or may not have made some of you uncomfortable as well. I am sorry about that. But that being said, I do not strive to make people uncomfortable, but I do strive for honesty and I do strive to stretch others in a good way that I hope. I also hope that my writing can be a help to others in some form or another. I know that for me, I believe, that it is helping me to do what I do and to process my feelings in such a public manner.

The Black Keys - Thickfreakness

This is my reality. This is my experience dealing with the pain of this, warts and all. This isn't even so much about me but it is about me experiencing this and me trying to experience this in the most honest way possible. I realize that I can't ask him but I honestly feel that this is what Eric would want me do. He would want me to live this without faking and without pretending that I have it all together and that everything is fine. Because honestly everything is not fine and to fake it would be doing a disservice to Eric's memory as far as I am concerned.

Toto - Straight From The Heart

Don't get me wrong. I am not telling anyone else how they need to be dealing with this. I am talking strictly in terms of myself and how I feel I need to process this in a healthy way. Because and for me this is the key that I need to keep reminding myself of. I must ensure that Eric's death is not not my death. On that point I have to be clear and hold myself to it. Because when I am at my lowest and I look at my life it is easy for me to spiral into this idea that why am I still here, because I have less going for me then Eric had going for him. I am not saying this to beg for sympathy and on the contrary I am probably the furthest away from suicide then I have ever been. But that thought is a real thought that dips in and out of my mind. That I have experienced that is the truth and to hide from that or to pretend that I have never had those thoughts would be totally wrong.

Fun - Some Nights

I do not know what the future holds for me. None of us do. Oh sure we want to think that we have a handle on it and we have it all figured out. But lets be honest. How many of us really do? We might think we do. We might have some vague idea of what tomorrow may bring. But that is just what it is a vague idea. Life is chaos and there is some real joy and beauty in that chaos. I say embrace the chaos. I say embrace the unknowing. I say embrace that experience and wrap it around you. I say live in the eye of the storm and thrive on it. 

Black Sabbath - After Forever

Wow...um I am not sure what just happened but there it is and I make it a practice to not edit my thoughts. So let me put my soap box away and bid you all a good weekend. 

Take Me Back To Happy Valley?

The Bailey Bros - Take Me Back To Happy Valley

Well those tears came on fast. I was sitting here just kind of relaxing and minding my own business. I had just  watched the "Advanced Dungeons and Dragons" episode of Community and was feeling pretty good when that song that is above started playing on my computer. It just kind of hit me that for several people that I know and care about and I fear in some ways myself that the idea of an existence of "Happy Valley" is long gone and probably not going to be coming back again anytime soon. Maybe I can hope for some kind of "Somber Plateau". I just don't know.

Leonard Cohen - Bird On a Wire

I honestly do not understand what is going on with my emotions right now. I really thought things had leveled off and I have had several days without tears. There is a nervousness to my stomach and the tears are just kind of dripping out. Bah, I am really not understanding where this is coming from right at this moment. On a practical level my intellect wants to say that I just spent to much time alone in my room today and I suppose that there is some validity to that.

Toto - I'll Be Over You

Of course it might help if my music player, that is set on random, would stop playing sad songs over and over. I mean is that to much to ask. It isn't like I set it up to play songs guaranteed to make Lance cry. It is just randomly playing everything in my collection. I swear I think it has developed sentience. But back to this whole idea of a "Happy Valley". I don't even like the concept of that. I could see their being a "Happy Peak" or mountain top but valley are places of pain and sorrow. I can see myself rising out of the valley to like I said earlier a "Somber Plateau" but honestly I do not think happiness is in the cards for me and rising to some peak of pleasure and joy I fear may be totally beyond me.

Trampled By Turtles - School Bus Driver


 I try to live a life that is kind of anchored in the present. The idea of Zen Buddhism and being present is an idea that I like and one that I have had great success with. I don't dwell too much on the past and I don't worry too much about what may happen in the future. But the reality is that right now in the present there is a huge empty spot and it is always going to stay empty. I don't think it will ever get filled and I don't think it should. I think it should be a raw and open ache and it should color my daily existence in one form or the other.

Bill Monroe - Along About Daybreak

I don't say that as a bad thing necessarily but to acknowledge that it is my reality right now.

For whatever that is worth. 

  

Random Music Tuesday

I felt like I could do some random music from the music library today. So let's see if I can pull that off on an emotional level or not.

It's Raining Again - Supertramp- A classic 1982 Supertramp song and in listening to the lyrics it is actually pretty appropriate for the way things are right now. I know this rain will end, it is just really hard to hang on until it does.

Ugh....a crappy Blink 182 song. I will not share it. They suck so hard.

Straight From The Heart - Toto - Oh my dig that rocking bass line. I really have not actually listened to much Toto but this song isn't horrible.

Loner - Kansas - I guess it must be 80's day on the blog here today. This is not considered one of Kansas's greatest hits. But it is actually a pretty good song. I like the main guitar riff and the chorus is pretty listenable as well.

Who Needs Sleep - Barenaked Ladies - I saw these guys once in concert and it was a fun show. They are a decent band and enjoyable live. I know that they still have fans but I think their moment in the sun has passed.

I've Just Gotta Get A Message - Bee Gees - Huh....interesting


I just wanted to take a moment and that those of you who are my regular readers and who have stuck around during all of the scary emotions that I have been putting on display. I am not promising an end to that, because I am an emotional being and I am striving to be able to feel free enough to put myself out their emotions and all. I think that for me to do that it is just healthier for me.

That being said, after a pretty rough weekend, today is a good day so far. The sun is out and that has helped me. I know that in the last two weeks I have spent more time outside and in the sun then I ever have before. I really think that has helped. I haven't forgotten anything and I never will. But I also am never going to forget the love of my friends and family and the amount of people out their who really do genuinely care for me. This has also brought more people into my circle that I love fiercely and that I hope to be a part of their lives for a long time.