It appears that there may be some initial resistance to my plan to replace the world's economy with Hugs. I heard from one Commentator Joel who absolutely refused to Hug a Hipster. Now I can respect that position because after all who would really want to Hug a Hipster. But I am unable to allow for any potential destabilizing of my chosen method of payment. The economy must stay strong and the power and value of the Hug must be inviolate. So therefor I decree that from the day of the beginning of my Theocracy all Hipsters will be done away with. Their presence and the fact that most people are not willing to or want to Hug them will do irreversible damage to my economic system.
We will just relocate them to a Hipster enclave. I am thinking Portland or Seattle because the mild weather will make it easier on them and they seem to thrive in the damp weather. Almost like mold really. But never fear. In the enclave the Hipster will be fed and allowed out daily to exercise. They will be allowed to listen to the latest albums from the hottest indy bands that haven't even been signed yet and in some cases do not even have an album to listen to. They will be allowed a long debate time each day as well as two hours each day to correct errors on the Internet about their favorite bands and films. But I will not allow the drinking of Pabst Blue Ribbon. It is not needed and will only serve to prolong the scourge of Hipster-ism upon the land.
Trust me in this. We will not be truly free until Hipsters are done away with. I tell you upon that glorious day. The sun will shine and the birds shall sing. All will be right with the earth. Now join me in a group Hug as we concentrate upon the gradual removal of the Hipster. My will be done.
4 comments:
OK, you aren't even in power yet and you are already trying to isolate an defined chunk of the population. Will you be the person for whom we have to create a new word to describe the unspeakable horrors your enclaves will eventually least to? Will the future word be Sociocide? Granted, you aren't talking about killing. Yet.
I first thought of the British moving the criminals to Australia, but you have jumped past that into a regimented camp. How long will it be until you see an untapped, unlimited work source? Sure you say they will be fed, but what happens when you realize how much you could save if you reduced their food intake?
I am not so much worried about the hipsters as I am about who is next. Unless the next group will be frat boys. In which case I say to you, Sieg Heil, Mine Fuhrer.
Shoot em all into the Sun! It's the only way to be sure.
First they came for the crazy yelling streetcorner people, but I was not a crazy yelling streetcorner person so I did not speak out.
Then they came for the mullet-wearers and squirrel-eaters, but I was neither so I did not speak out.
Then they came for the excessively ironic and gratuitously tattooed, but I was not either of those so I did not speak out.
And when they came for me, there was no one left to speak out for me.
S - That is hilarious! I was so wishing I could use that quote, but couldn't do it.
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