Monday Musings

Today was the first day of my third week of work and it went well. It is nice to be back working and to be on a schedule and I find agreeable. But if I had one concern it is that I am having a hard time figuring out how I can do my writing. I am hoping that Monday afternoon and evenings are going to be a time that I can devote to writing and listening to music and continuing to explore my journey through life on both a physical and emotional level. Now, I realize that this may or may not be interesting to some of you. But, I also realize that as far as I am concerned I need to have the freedom of writing to express myself and that by writing I am able to keep myself sane. Writing allows me to get the voices out of my head and allows me to say things that I am not always able to say and for that I am profoundly grateful. I do not know how people live who are unable to have an outlet like I have.

Pretty Girl from Feltre - The Avett Brothers

Today is March 24th and I am basically dreading the coming of April, I am dreading it because in the middle of April it will be a year since Eric's death. And while I have made some pretty significant strides in dealing with this I am in now way ready to deal with this anniversary and I really honestly do not know how I am going to be able to process it. The very thought of it as I write is bringing tears to my eyes and I do not even feel all that emotional at the present time. But I am can feel them swirling around behind the small blockade that I have thrown up as a weak defense against being overwhelmed by them.

Warning - Black Sabbath

I have noted before that I do not fear my feelings and I have learned to embrace them and to ride them and in some ways bathe in them. That may not be the best way to word it but I am not sure honestly how to word it. I know that it is unhealthy for me to close myself off and to pretend that the pain isn't there and that if I fight against it the pain often lasts longer then it would have if I had just faced it head on and let it overwhelm me for a time. I think that is the strange nature of grief and loss. It can come upon us without warning and then leave again without a trace for a time. But that is just an illusion because there is always a trace. It is in the world around me. It is in the music that I listen too or the books that I read or the television shows that I watch. Or even how I carry myself and respond to certain situations. I am unable to look at my bookcase without seeing a book or two or three or more that Eric either inspired me to read or gave me directly to read. I love those books and I have not regretted ever reading them. Nor have I or will I ever regret reading them.

Only in Your Heart - America

There are films that I have avoided watching since his death. It isn't that I dislike there films. But I am not sure that I am ready to face the feelings that these films are going to bring about in me. They are not good or bad but they are sure to be intense and overwhelming and I am not sure how ready I am for such a thing. I want to say 'What the hell, just face it head on." But I can't. I want too. I want to sit down and watch 'The Royal Tenenbaums' and 'Almost Famous' and 'Fight Club' and other films that remind me of him. But I just can't. I want to so badly and I the idea of it just locks me up and makes my chest tighten with pain.

No one Knows - Queens of the Stone Age

On Saturday night I had my, what I call, my philosophy group. It is more like a fellowship group of some partially like minded thinkers and we discuss all kinds of things. I normally leave the group energized and fed and group was good that night. We did a question can thing that I always enjoy doing. But once it was over I wandered into the coffeehouse and had myself a drink and also ran into two of my good friends. These are two people that always make me feel welcome and also are really good for conversation. So I am always happy to see them. One of them asked how I was doing and I thought about it for a bit and realized that I was feeling rather aimless and basically at a loss. It was a beautiful evening Saturday. The air was still and warm but not too warm and everything was very nice. But I was not feeling nice. I wandered out to my van after saying goodbye and I was really at a loss.

Every Dog Has Its Day - Flogging Molly

I finally decided that the only smart thing too do was to go home. It wasn't like I was going to hurt myself. At least I do not think so. But the air felt almost swollen with anticipation and I do not know what I was expecting but it really felt to me like there something waiting to drop and when it dropped it would overwhelm me and I wasn't sure if that was going to be good or bad. To me the air felt like it does just before a thunder storm is about to hit. I drove home in near tears and by the time I made it into my inner sanctum the tears had begun to flow but I did not know what was driving them. They were just flowing. I tried to do some writing but was unable to achieve anything close to getting out what I was feeling. So I watched some very stupid television. It was Tosh.0 and anyone who is familiar with it knows how stupid it can be. It may not have been the healthiest choice but it allowed me to move beyond the gloom that was hanging over me.

Salty Dog - Flogging Molly

So that being said. I am not sure what was going on. I just do not know. But Sunday was a better day and so was today and now I am writing and that is a good thing. The act of writing just makes me feel better. It helps me to feel like something is coming out even if it is something that doesn't totally make sense to other people. But it works for me and for the moment there is some calm in the storm that swirls inside of me. I will never forget Eric. He will always be with me and I will always love him and I will continue to get tattoos upon my body that remind me of him. That is how I choose to remember him and to honor his life and his memory. He left permanent marks on my life and leaving permanent marks on my skin is how I can remember and honor that.

The Worst Day Since Yesterday - Flogging Molly


 I know that April will be hard for me and I apologize ahead of time if I seem distant and kind of out to lunch. I apologize if my writings are overly emotional and weepy. I am an emotional guy and this is my canvas for processing theses things. Thank you for reading my thoughts and for caring about me. I love all of you and I hope to continue to share my love with you in the months ahead.  So remember, be kind because the journey for all of us is a hard one and please keep on dancing.

Monday Musings....

Today marked the beginning of a new thing for me. I started my new job at the Willamette Dairy Herd Improvement Association (WDHIA). It was a good day. I think the job is going to be interesting at times and I think that I am going to enjoy working with Joel and the rest of the other people there. It is going to be nice to just be actually working again and to actually have a schedule to follow as well as have a little bit of income coming in.

Down By The Water - The Decemberists

As much as I enjoy having the total freedom to do whatever I want to do, whenever I want to do it I also like to actually have a place to go to everyday. So this will be nice. The best thing about working again is that I will be able to go back to visiting the Broadway Coffeehouse on a regular basis and that will make me very happy. Though the happiness will also come with a touch of sadness.  The sadness will be there because one of my favorite baristas will not longer be working there and I will miss her greatly. She was the best of the best and a true artist and miracle worker when it came to latte art. But the best thing of all was that she was super nice and cool and things will just not feel the same without her there.

Yankee Bayonet - The Decemberists

That being said, and I do admit to having the tendency to being maudlin and overemotional at times, and in all seriousness I really will miss her. She was very nice and a good barista and I consider her a good friend as well. I am hoping that she has great success in her upcoming ventures. Though come to think of it. I am really going to miss having someone to share graphic novels with here in Salem. She had great taste in comics!!

Leslie Anne Levine - The Decemberists

The home opener for my beloved Portland Timbers was last Saturday and while it was seen in a torrential downpour and while it ended in a draw. It was still a great game to watch and it was great to be part of the experience. The expectations are high this season and I would argue that for some they are far to high and they are unreasonable.But, that being said, I do understand why some pundits and fans feel the way that they do about the chances for the team this season. We had an amazing season last year and the team feels even stronger. I am trying to be cautious about my feelings for the team because it is only Coach Porters second season and I think that we may have surprised some teams last season. So for this season I am hoping for another trip to the playoffs and a top 3 finish in the West and hopefully in the whole league. Along with an extended cup run. So we shall see. That being said. I hope that if the team hits a rough spot that the fans stay reasonable and do not seek to scapegoat any players or coaches in the echo chamber that is the Timbers Army.

We Both Go Down Together - The Decemberists

I am hoping to be able to continue my blogging. It may be hard to set up a schedule since I will be working from 7:30 to 3:30 but we shall see. Right now I am hoping that I can do some nighttime writing like this after work. But I am not sure if that is always going to work or not. I know how important it is too everyone that I continue to spread my wisdom to all of you and I wouldn't want to leave any of you deprived of my wit and wisdom.  So you know what to do. I need some time alone!!

Thursday Thoughts

At the coffeehouse drinking an Americano. As usual it is good. I have never had a bad one here. I can be sure of that point. In fact the only complaints that I have ever had here have been because of the other customers. The coffee is always good. The baked goods are always good and the service is always attentive and friendly. Is it too much for me to ask that the other customers behave like the members of the functional society that we live in. This isn't Bosnia or Somalia for Pete's sake. Is a little civility too much to ask?

Lover's Eyes - Mumford and Sons

Look around before you sit down. Take notice of the other people both in the coffeehouse and in the line. Take the time to actually read the board before you order. You have been standing in line for 30 sec to a minute maybe two at the most and that is plenty of time to make up your mind. This isn't Starbucks. Do not ask for something blended or whipped or extra foamed. Get your coffee sit your ass down and be happy that you are lucky enough to live in a country and a state and a city that really appreciates a cup of the good stuff. If you want a damn milkshake then take your ass to the Baskin and Robbins and get a damned milkshake.

Shaman's Blues - The Doors

Better yet. If there are a total of three seats at a bar location. Do not sit in the middle seat and spread out your gear so as to take up the space in front of the other two seats. This is akin too going in to the restroom and upon seeing a line of empty urinals stepping up next to the one other person using a urinal and peeing right next to them. This is clueless and rude and betrays you for the savage that you are. It does you a disservice and brings shame upon your family and your friends and any right thinking person would at this point choose to stop being your friend and just end the relationship entirely. Trust me. They are better off without you in their life.

Paranoid - Black Sabbath

Oh...and another thing. I get that you may be an a date of some sort with your lady friend. And good for you if you are. I get it the couches here are very comfortable and cozy. But seriously. This is a public place and you two are obviously not highschoolers. GIVE EACH OTHER SOME ROOM!!! I do not need to see your intimate relations in public. The baristas do not need to hose down the couches with disinfectant when you eventually untangle your entwined limbs and slither out into the darkness. That kind of shameful behavior belongs in the darkness and not out in the light among the decent people.

Isle of Avalon - Iron Maiden

This has been Lance's Coffeehouse Etiquette class for today. Get it together people. The world will be a better place for all of us.

Thoughtful Tuesday

It is interesting the things that can pop up that cause sadness. To be sure there are some things that seem pretty obvious to me when I get sad. But there are other things that at times can leave me almost blindsided by the origin. Sometimes it is because the level of sadness seems almost above and beyond the cause of the sadness and it makes me feel like my response is out of proportion to what triggered it.

I Could Be Dreaming - Belle and Sebastian

I have been divorced for nearly 5 years now and most of the time I do not think about my being divorced or even that I am single. My relationship or lack thereof does not bother me. I also rarely think about my age. I do what I do and my chronological age is really not an issue in how I live my life. I am old enough to vote and to drink and as far as I am concerned that leaves me old enough to do anything that I want to do. I rarely feel old. Though I have friends who while their chronological age may be younger than mine they also seem older than me. They may seem either more mature or just more tired and uptight. I also have friends who are older than I but seem much younger than me because of the way that they live their life. To be honest once you get past 25 or perhaps 30 everyone just kind of seems all the same nebulous age. If you are living an honest and authentic life you are going to live and do what you want to do regardless of what number is tacked on your existence.

Roy Walker - Belle and Sebastian

That being said, while I rarely feel or think about my age there are times when I distinctly feel my age. When that happens in can cause some angst and often what makes it worse is that it is so pointless for me to feel angst about situations that are beyond my control. But as is often the case with my crazy brain. I sometimes wonder is my angst truly because of the situation or is it because I think that I shouldn't be feeling angst about this and because of that I create a self fulfilling prophecy concerning things. Because despite my angst and confusion I also feel that I should be honestly feeling and experiencing whatever it is I am going through and if I do not then I am doing a disservice to myself and to my friends around me.

For Prayer - Wye Oak

It is one of those questions that I suspect I will never have an answer too. For good or bad. That is my reality. All that I can do is strive to be authentic and to be present in my pain. Because to hide from it and deny its existence will, I believe, lead to a much deeper unhealthiness and a much deeper emotional sadness that will impact my life in far worse ways. Sadly knowing that does not make it any easier for me to do it. I am a passionate man. I love things and people and I get excited about them and I invest in them. That is who I am. I feel things deeply. I would not trade that for the world. But there are times that when feeling deeply also means you feel much pain when things do not go like you thought you wanted them too go. Even when you did not realize that you even had expectations at all and even worse when those expectations were so far beyond reason that you had not even realized that you were thinking them.

Sun It Rises - Fleet Foxes

It is at that point, for me, that the self loathing begins. Because I should know better and I do know better then to grow attached to people that I can't have. So too speak. But for me the frustration comes because I do not feel like I am going out there and searching for things that I can't have. By and large I am who I am at this point in my life and I let people engage with me who want to engage with me. I do not hang out searching for some sort of unattainable manic pixie girl to fix me. As much as I would like it to be, life is not a Wes Anderson or Cameron Crowe film and I am never going to find either Margot Tenenbaum or Penny Lane.

And I am not nor will I ever be Richie Tenenbaum

Or William Miller.

Though perhaps I am. Because much like them I am unable to gain closure on this.

My Beloved Monster - eels

The disconnect that I feel about this is also frustrating because I know that I shouldn't bee feeling this way at all. One of the things that I would say that I hate about myself and I have actually very good self esteem because lets face it. I really do know how awesome I am. But I hate that my emotions and feelings have a very tenuous relationship with logic. When my emotions come to town they either drive my logic away or they lock it up in some sort of hole in my sub-basement and force it too put lotion on it's skin for when they make the inevitable skin suit out of it. Thankfully logic usually escapes the hole for a little while at least. I hate to think what will happen if emotion is ever successful in its quest for supremacy.

The Chimbley Sweep - The Decemberists

 Thanks for listening folks and always your likes and comments are welcomed and appreciated. I will keep on doing what I do. Listening to good tunes and loving others. We are all in this together and caring for each other is the best way to get through it together.

Thursday Thirsty?

Good morning folks. I hope today finds you well. I am doing pretty good myself, I realize that I haven't written much lately but that is often the case for me when I am feeling pretty good. I think just knowing that there is a job coming up in the future has allowed some significant peace of mind. It isn't like my money issues have changed in fact in some ways they have gotten worse since I have literally no income at all. But, knowing that I will have an income just makes a world of difference. 

Red Sector A - Rush

Blah, blah, blah, Rush....prog rock. Blah Blah

I know that some of my readers come here from Facebook and I know that a few weeks ago on Valentines day I posted a picture of my new girlfriend and for the story that I am going to tell you today I suppose I should share that picture again. 

Now contained within that picture are two things that I love very much, actually three. The Portland Timbers. Whiskey and Flogging Molly. This story involves two of those three things. Though I may add a Flogging Molly song for your listening pleasure later. Aw, hell, forget later how about right now. 

Devil's Dance Floor - Flogging Molly

Music

So, back to the beginning. I have always had an interesting relationship with alcohol. I never drank much before I was twenty-one. In fact now that I am past that age I do not drink all that much now. I would say that I drink alcohol of some sort about two or three times a month and often that depends on what is going on. This month for example, today is the 27th, I had two different beers and some samples last Saturday but up until then I had not had anything to drink other than a glass of whisky the week before. By glass I mean two fingers and some ice. I am telling you this to highlight that fact that while I enjoy a good drink and I enjoy getting a good buzz on I can take it or leave it as far as alcohol goes. In fact the only thing that I drink regularly is coffee. Glorious, glorious, coffee. The nectar of the Gods. 

Concrete Jungle - Special Beat 

Ska members of The Specials and The English Beat

So when I choose to drink alcohol I do it because there is a party going on or because I think it will be fun or funny. I own two different flasks and depending on the situation I may bring one along. But I am very careful about getting very drunk or out of control in public. It is just not who I am. I was raised by very non drinking parents and I am sure that the shame that it would bring upon them has been enough to keep me in line for years. Some lessons stick with you forever I suppose. Anyway. So, last night was a Timbers match and I thought it would be both fun and give me a story to tell if I brought my flask of Jameson along to share with a couple of the guys that I sit near at the matches. 

My Michelle - Guns N Roses

Metal

So, as you can see, taking my flask along is not a regular occurrence for me but I do bring it along now and then depending on my mood or the situation. So last night I have my flask and off to the stadium Nick and I go. We get there and head into our section and I see the fellows that I mentioned before. I stop by the first guy and offer him a pull, he thanks me graciously and he takes one and I head to my seat. Once there I slide the flask back over my shoulder to the guy that sits behind me and he thanks me and takes a quick one as well and then hands it back to me. I sit for a moment and yell at some of the other teams players on the pitch. Nothing to loud or out of control and no profanity was used. It was pretty typical heckling for me. I then took a swig from my flask. One drink that was all and not a full one. Perhaps a wee mouthful.

Suzanne - Leonard Cohen

Heartbreakingly beautiful song.

A moment later there is an usher standing in front of me and he asks if he can talk to me out on the concourse. I question him for a moment but I was already sure that the battle was lost and rather than cause a ruckus I get up and head for the top of the stairs. Once I get out there I realize that I am dealing with two or three ushers and some sort of alcohol compliance officer and two policeman. The first thing that I say to the compliance officer is "Are the police really needed for this?" He assures me that they are not there for me but of course they stand there the whole time. I am sure just in case I am some sort of threat to the good of all. Again I was not drunk in anyway and would have passed any and all intoxication tests. 

Humans Remain Human Remains - Red Fang

Metal

I will skip all of the conversation and move to me being escorted from the stadium. Now I get it. I hadn't really thought about it. But the stadium and I suppose the Timbers have a policy against outside booze. But and I realize that I may very well be nitpicking here, had I been buying my beer or liquor in the stadium and been sitting drunk as hell and yelling profanities at the other team and referees. I would not have been made to leave. Because I had spent my money there. But, because I dared to bring in outside liquid, I believe eight ounces worth, perhaps ten. I was asked to leave. A season ticket holder for nearly six years with no other problems on my record at the stadium. I have never once been drunk at a match or been warned or complained about. I have never been asked to leave and have always been a good citizen of the Timbers Army. But despite all of that. They have a "no tolerance" policy when it comes to bringing a flask in. 

It's All Over Now - Grateful Dead

Hippies

I will be back at the stadium on Saturday. I was banned for just the one match and that is good I suppose. But it does bug me because I would have gladly given them my flask or poured it out and even taken a ticket and then gone back to watch the rest of the match with no problems. But I was not even offered that as an option. It went from a fun evening to kind of a lame drive back to Salem. I am just lucky that Nick is so forgiving of my stupidity. He has been a good friend for a longtime. My sad, sad story aside I feel like it is time for the Timbers to perhaps rethink their alcohol policy and maybe take things on a case by case basis rather than treating all of us the same and perhaps if I would have wanted to push things up the ladder I might have been able to talk to a manager or something who could have given me some flexibility as far as things went. But I chose not too. I also chose not to scream and shout and case a scene and that could have easily happened as well. But I chose to behave decently about everything. That is my story and you may or may not agree with me and that is fine. I will be attending the rest of the matches this season and perhaps some away ones as well and my flask will be staying at home. The lesson was learned. Though I think the rules need to be changed I am not going to be taking up that fight. Thanks for listening. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go to my quiet place and dance my pain and shame away. 

 

Tuesday Night Bonus Post

Today was a good day. It was honestly. But this evening as I was getting ready to go down to the coffeehouse I could feel the gloom coming over me. I thought I would stop at Taqueria Marco's Place, otherwise, known as Marco's and have some fish tacos. Those always make me feel a little bit better. That seemed to work for a little while at least. That is except for the what I must assume were sorority girls, a gaggle of them, that chose to sit behind me and did not seem to be able to use their inside voices at all. I honestly did not care to have as much information about them as I do now. They were not being rude but they were being loud and that is a hard pet peeve for me to break.

My Sharona - Hammerfall

This is interesting, serious heavy metal band covering My Sharona by The Knack. They do a pretty good job with it. 

So I got done with my fish tacos and headed outside to the van. I was thinking I would head to the coffeehouse and have some coffee and do some writing and just chat with whomever was working. Well, the van wouldn't start. It sounded like it wanted to start. But it would do everything short of actually turning over. I made a couple of calls and tried again. Still nothing. So, I got out and popped open my hood and the actual owner of Marco's came over and "Everything okay, amigo?". I told him that I wasn't sure and he told me that anything I needed and if I needed to leave the van in the parking lot that was okay. I was totally surprised and thankful. Such a thing actually means a lot when you are in the midst of a situation like that.

Ya Ya - Lee Dorsey

A classic song from the American Graffiti soundtrack. One of the few decent films that George Lucas made. By that I mean the first three Star Wars films that were ever released and this one. That is it.

So I was feeling better after being told that I could leave the van there if I needed to and I decided to give it one more try and then call it quits. I stuck my hand in the car. I didn't even climb in. I just opened the door and reached in and turned the key and the car started. It just started right up. No chugging. No backfire. Nothing just turned over and started right up and begin to idle just fine. After all the previous hassle I very much felt a sense of relief but also I was a little unhappy because I felt like it wouldn't be smart to go to the coffee house and I was really craving a visit and some coffee. But, I did the smart thing and climbed in and headed back home. I am going to take the car into the shop tomorrow.

The Best of My Love - The Emotions

Another nice song from a film. This one is from Boogie Nights. A great movie and a great performance from Phillip Seymour Hoffman. I love the movie. 

So back home I go and back to my lair, my fortress of solitude, my sanctuary, my refuge. It is the place where there a no pants allowed and that makes it the best place in the world. Though for me, really anyplace where I don't have to wear pants is a good place. In fact, depending on how things go at the new job I may be making the transition to full time kilt wearer. I think my legs should be free from the tyranny of the trouser. My boys should be allowed to hang low and free and comfortably. I think true ball freedom is my basic birthright as an American. If the founding fathers did not die for my right to wear a kilt and be comfortable then I ask you what was the point of the fight for independence. Freedom for my balls means freedom for all.

Wharf Rat - Grateful Dead

Good stuff from the Dead. It is always good. 

Well, well, well. I actually feel better. Now I didn't really get into anything. But the gloom seems to have lifted. I suspect that I may have spent to much time alone today. That is a problem at times. I tend to live like a introvert but in reality based on my mood and how much whiskey I have had I am also at times very much an extrovert and I crave in depth and direct and intimate conversation. I want to make eye contact and reach out an physically touch the person and feel the connection between the two of us. I want to open my self up to them and have them do the same for me. I value that in a relationship and when it happens it is the best thing in the world as far as I am concerned. Such transparency is what I crave. Minimally this works as well even there is not the physical contact. Thanks for listening. It means a lot.

Tuesday Tunes...

Alright, alright, alright. I hope this is a nice mellow Tuesday for you folks. I am certainly hoping that it is for me but I really do not know what it is going to be and I am trying to enter it with no expectations that is for sure. The plan within the plan to have no plan is to do some writing today and to listen to some sweet tunes and to just keep on keepin' on.

If She Wants Me - Belle and Sebastian

Starting off with these lads is always a good way to start. This is a very nice song. 

I watched the season premier of the Jimmy Fallon hosted Tonight Show last night. I really am not sure what to say about it. There were moments of humor during the show and some slightly funny moments as he interviewed Will Smith. But I am not a big fan of Will Smith anymore so that was just kind of pointless as far as I was concerned. Fallon and Will Smith did a history of hip-hop dancing sketch but it just wasn't as good as anything that Fallon has done in the past with Justin Timberlake. I think Timberlake is a better dancer than
Will Smith. But that may be a conversation for a different day. All in all it was different than the Jay Leno era Tonight Show and that is a good thing.

 
See What a Fool I've Been - Queen

Wow. This is a B-side but I have to tell you that as I listen to it. I can't think of very many other songs that rock so hard. Brian May just goes to work on the guitar and while the song came out in 1974 I can hear how it inspired several other rock songs over the years. I am looking at you AC-DC.

What else is going on? Oh it hasn't been covered much if at all, near as I can tell, by American Media but things are getting pretty unstable in Venezuela. Though I am reading that the U.S. diplomats have just been given 48 hrs to leave the country. I am making no predictions as to how this plays out or the reasons behind it. I just feel sad for the amount of people that are going to die in the violence that I think is probably going to follow as people continue to protest. I just hope people and their families are safe and I hope that the United States are not dabbling in regime change again. I think we did enough of that in the 70's and 80's. I guess I did have an opinion on this one. But this is not really a political blog so that is going to be the last I say about this one.

Awake My Soul - Piano Tribute

This is a nice version of the song and really the whole piano tribute album makes for some nice relaxing listening. If you are looking for some nice music to take a nap too, you can't go wrong with this album. 

My coffee this morning is the dregs of the yesterdays pot reheated in the microwave and I know that many of my coffee purist friends would be horrified by this, but honestly it is tasting really good this morning. But that may be because I got the correct amount of sleep last night and I was able to get up get my coffee and get back to writing with out seeing a single soul. I did not have to speak except for the mumbling that I do with myself and I am now just sitting here sipping my coffee, typing on the keyboard, and listening to my tunes with my headphones on. As far as I am concerned my friends this is very nearly what I would call the perfect morning.

The Bitch is Back - Elton John

A classic rocker by Elton John. Not much to say about it. Nearly everyone knows of this song and it is a good one for its type. Though I feel that their is to much saxophone in it. 


I also do not have a neck or headache this morning and that is always a plus as well. I do not have one of those everyday and they do not last all day long by any means but it is nice to have a morning when I have neither of them. I had a slightly odd dream about playing poker last night. It was odd because while I dream and remember my dreams on a regular basis I have not as I recall ever dreamed about playing poker. I used to play poker on a regular basis but I have not for several years now. I think not since the divorce so close to four years. I suppose that I could be missing that. I just do not know and as far as dreams go I usually do not bother to speculate.

Somebody That I Used to Know - Gotye

This was a great concert and I am still enjoying the song. Though to be fair it was being played so often on radio that I took a break from listening to it. The crystal ballroom made for a good venue and the lady I was with made it a fun experience as well. Good times. 

That is it for me today folks and I know that I try to leave you with a little reminder each day to love each other and to remember each others humanity but today I feel like this paragraph says it better than I can.

"Inhabit your true Self today. See things as they truly are. See people as they really are. Be mindful of the suffering of those around you. Do what will aid the liberation of others today. Seek to do no harm. Be an expression of loving-kindness, compassion, and goodness. Do not look at others through eyes of judgment. See every person as your mother or father, son or daughter, sister or daughter. Honor your highest truth today. Be kind and compassionate with yourself. When you get off track, simply be aware and return to the life that is unfolding before you in that moment. Don’t complicate it. Respond to each situation today as it requires. Don’t become embroiled in drama. Realize that you are undisturbed, at peace, and full of joy in your true self." 

                       - Jim Palmer

Keep On Dancing...

Monday, Monday

I am not a morning person and when I wake up and then let myself fall back to sleep it is not a recipe for a good morning. I also like to be by myself in the morning. It isn't that I am anti-social it is that I just like to be alone in the morning for several hours as the coffee starts to work it's magic in my blood and my brain begins to ramp up to its full speed. . I am pretty successful at making this happen on a consistent basis. So you would think I could handle it now and than when it doesn't work out this way.

Society's Child (I've Been Thinking) - Janis Ian

A classic song about a young couple in love. The twist is that Janis Ian was 13 and the song was about an interracial couple. 

But today was a day where it didn't work out and I am grumpy. I am grumpy for basically no reason at all. The morning did not go as I had planned despite my desire to not plan things and to live in the moment. The truth is that I do have a routine within my life of no routine that I have, it seems, grown to depend on. Which I think kind of sucks. Who knew? I suppose I did but I just didn't want to admit it to myself.

Spring Dance - Korpiklaani

This is a folk metal band from Finland this is their version of a classic instrumental number. I love it. 


On the plus side I think it is probably good for me to be reminded that I do not have things figured out and that I am as prone as anybody else when it comes to making plans and assuming that those plans are going to happen without any disruption. I think it is a a good reminder at least for myself that these plans can happen even when I have not or have not realized that I have actively been making these plans. As far as I knew I did not have any expectations for this morning. Today is the day that that President's Day is celebrated but basically everyday is a day off for me so that is not an issue.

Still in Love With You - Trampled By Turtles

You may be tired of this song or this band but the music player picked them and I am playing them. Also I am not tired of them at all. I love this band and always enjoying listening to them. So get over it and enjoy the music. 

As far as Presidents Day goes or I have been told that under the federal code the official name for the holiday is Washington's Birthday and not Presidents Day. I have no idea why it has become known as Presidents Day but I suspect that some fancy ad man at some point figured out that was easier to get people to go to a Presidents Day sale than a Washingtons Day sale. I do not know or really care to be honest. The most I do on a day like today is take a moment and think of all of our Presidents over the years in the United States, some good and some bad, but all had a place in shaping the country.

The Voice Within - Christine Aguilera

I do not listen to her much and generally I do not care for her stylistic choices but when she chooses to do a song like this I am reminded that she can really, actually sing and has a surprisingly large range. I do not think that it is great music but she is a powerful singer. 

I just do not see a need to take this day and use it as something to complain about. Though as I look around the internet this morning it seems to be that most websites are taking that route and it is just not worth it to me to dwell upon that negativity. I do not need it in my life.

Mistake - Danny Ellfman

The film "The Next Three Days" wasn't anything special. But this song is amazing as far as I am concerned. But I love basically all that Danny Elfman has done from Oingo Boingo to his latest film scores. 

I hope today is a good day off for those of you who have it off and those of you who don't I hope the days goes smoothly at least. Keep on remembering each others humanity and loving each other.

Friday, Friday, Friday!!!

Happy Valentine's Day everybody. But in Oregon today is also the day that we became a state Feb 14th, 1859. All bow in honor of the birth of our glorious state. Our state flower is the Oregon Grape. Our state bird is the Western Meadowlark and our state motto is "Alis Volat propiis"  which in English means "She Flies With Her Own Wings". I think that is pretty right on for my beloved state.

Now that all of the formalities are out of the way lets get back to talking about me and what I like okay.

Child of Nature - The Beatles

You will get very few Beatles songs from me and this is an unreleased demo that was written by Lennon. It is fine I suppose but I am just not a big Beatles fan. I am sorry but they just do not work for me. If I need anything I need an emotional connection and this band eludes me. 

I Remember California - REM

It seems that my music player remembers California rather then Oregon. Oh well, I think Oregon is better. That said I really do like this song. REM rarely disappoints me.   

I think Valentine's is a funny day. I am never really sure how I am supposed to feel. Am I supposed to feel sad if I am not in the midst of a relationship? Because I am not feeling sad. I am feeling pretty good about that stuff right now and I suspect that were I dating I would be feeling much the same. The truth is that I am in the midst of lots of relationships with several very beautiful woman and I love them all. They may not be aware that I love them though. :)

Stayin' Alive - Bee Gees

This is a little more disco than I like my Bee Gees to be but this is a great song and such a catchy tune. So easy to bob your head and tap your feet to. Try it you like doing a little dancing in your office space. 

I mean, don't get me wrong. I like candy and hearts and that kind of stuff and I am as prone to the emotional outburst as the next guy if not more so and this is a day that is geared for such a thing. But I am just as likely to do something extravagant and emotional and dramatic on any other day of the year as well. That is just who I am. I am wired that way. But I am also not trying to make light of the fact that for some singletons, for want of a better word, this is a hard day. It just has not particularly been for me. It has never been that big of an issue for me if I am single or not. I just love people all the time. I can't help it. That is what I am about free love and hugs for all. YAAAAAAY!!

Chasing The Rainbow -  America

I can't say I am thrilled by what the ol random machine is giving me today. It is just not feeling like a day for America. It isn't that I dislike their music I just have to be in the right mood for it and today does not feel like that kind of day. 

Let us see, is there anything else going on that I can get myself worked up about?

Frank's Wild Years - Tom Waits

Nothing says Valentine's like a little Tom Waits. Now we are talking. Well done Tom, you beautiful, beautiful, freak. 

It looks like that is going to be it for me today. Be nice to each other. We are all taking the same journey and it is hard for all of us. Remember these words and live by them "FREE LOVE AND HUGS FOR ALL"

Keep on dancing folks. 

Thursday Thoughts

I am not feeling the muse this morning but we will see if anything changes as I share some music with you. I do not have high hopes but we shall see.

Strange Weather - Tom Waits

Tom Waits is not the most accessible of recording artists. But once I took the time to really give him a listen I began to enjoy him. But I also fully understand that he is just not for everyone. But if you can take the time and effort to give him a try you will be rewarded for your efforts. 

Forever - Haim

This is a pretty new band of young ladies all sisters I believe. They are a trio and I really do like their sound. It isn't typical of anything out there as far as I am concerned and while the antics of the basis can be a little distracting they are a solid band. I really dig this song. 

I am doing my best to put on a happy face today. But I am not sure what is going on. It started a little bit yesterday. Like I can feel the dragon of depression just hanging over me and waiting for a gap in my armor to sink his claws into me. Now, I realize that may be a dramatic example but in this case that is the visual that I am seeing in my minds eye and it is not a visual that I like at all. It both frustrates me and scares me.

Pearl - Katy Perry

I really, really , like this Katy Perry song. It is beautiful. I can't quantify it at all but it is a song that I enjoy regardless of its origins or its popularity or not. The song works for me. But honestly nearly all of her discography I like. That is the straight honest truth and I am not ashamed of it. I am a Katy Perry fan. (I am not a fan of her dating John Mayer. I think he is a dirt bag)

The music is helping to lift my spirits and usually the music always does. In truth, even if the music does not lift my spirits it always helps me to center myself and to feel the emotions as they come and ride them. It isn't so much a control thing as a way for me to let myself experience them and feel them but not dwell in them. To me that is the real power of music. I love that it has the ability to really augment nearly every situation. That is the coolest thing. It is also why music has been used as a propaganda tool over the years and at times been feared by the establishment in different times and places. Music is a powerful thing.

Last Words - The Real Tuesday Weld

I like this song and I like the movie soundtrack that I first heard it on. It is perfect for a sad day and for dwelling on lost relationships. This is the kind of song that makes me wish that it wasn't so unhealthy to smoke cigarettes because it makes me feel like I should be smoking one right now and I should be sitting outside at some coffee shop smoking in slow motion while the world moves around me in fast motion. That would be cool. 

I sometimes wish that books would come with soundtracks and in some cases they do as the author will list songs or mention lyrics and I suppose it is up to the reader to track down those things. But wouldn't it be cool if books came with a small disc or mp3 player that would play you the soundtrack of the book as you read it. Or had cues so you could play the right music for the right part of the book. I think that would be awesome. Oooh, did I just come up with the next million dollar idea? Don't steal it you bastards.

Nights On Broadway - The Bee Gees

One of my favorite Bee Gees songs. So good. Yes it is disco but it has a great bass line and seriously good harmony on the vocals. Good thick grungy bass and a nice disco back beat. Shake it, shake it baby. 

Truth - Lily Allen

I like Lily Allen. That is all. 

 Thanks folks as always for listening to me rant and rave and I hope enjoying the music that I bring to you. It really does mean a lot to me. I value you. Keep on Hugging and Keep on Dancing.

I had to add a song for this gif because I think that Boyd would totally dance the jig to this song.

Wait So Long - Trampled By Turtles

Wednesday Wedneaday

Good morning and my apologies for missing yesterday. There are times and usually it is I believe when the weather changes or I think more specifically when the pressure changes that I get very bad migraines and Tuesday morning was one of those. It was a rough one. I spent most of the morning lying in bed with a cover over my eyes. It makes me feel like Mrs Howell when I have one of those "episodes".

Rocky Road Blues - Bill Monroe

A classic from one of the fathers of Bluegrass. I discovered this man a year or so ago and I always enjoy his songs and his guitar and banjo stylings. I missed out on some good music for several years by not recognizing the musical quality of Bluegrass. It is good music. 

Today is a better day though. I woke up only slightly bleary eyed and feeling pretty good.

All of Me Loves All of You - Bay City Rollers

Oh you guys are in for a treat. The might Bay City Rollers are here to entertain you. Just give into the cheese and enjoy the music. Let it make your head bob and your toes tap. They are cheesy as hell but they certainly fun and one of the biggest pop groups to ever make it out of Scotland. 

I really am not feeling like I have much to say to you this morning. I am more interested in seeing what song pops up next on the player. Everything is coming to you today from the letter B. Though I am not sure why my music player puts the first name first when it alphabetizes. I guess it makes a little bit of sense for the band names but when it is just single name performers like Billy Joel and Ben Folds it feels kind of funny.              

Ballad - Edward op 10-1 Brahms

 Just love a lovely piece of piano music by Brahms. So nice

The Olympics are in full swing and I have only been able to see a little bit of Curling so far this time around. I was reminded as I watched a match yesterday about how much I enjoyed watching Curling the last winter Olympics. So that has been a plus but other then that I am not sure how I feel about the rest of the Olympic coverage. I want to feel like it has been less than stellar but it hasn't been horrible and I suspect that it may be more my problem than NBC or the Olympics themselves. I only like a few events and they just do not broadcast those events enough for me. I like Ice Hockey and Judo and Curling and really that is about it though do to child sports abuse I have an appreciation for Ice Skating. But that is the last I am going to say about that.

I'm A Cuckoo - Belle and Sebastian

This is a great song. I really am unable to say enough about this band. I like all that they do. 

My comments about "So I Married an Axe Murderer" caused a bit of a stir. It was as I suspected. There are people who have such fond memories of one or two stand out scenes in the film that their brain has forgotten all of the miserable fluff and video montages in between the funny bits and that my friends does not a good film make in any sense of the word. I enjoy a good montage as much as the next guy but there are times when it really is pretty sloppy storytelling and some directors will use this to pad a film. If done well the audience can totally miss it and just be caught up in the moment which is great but when done poorly it becomes glaringly obvious what is going on. Michael Bay is a good example of this kind of crap.

He's A Liar - The Bee Gees

The classic disco stylings of the Bee Gees. This is a good one even though it does has a disco back beat. I like the lyrics and it really is a great example of what was popular in the early 80's. This song came out in 1981 I believe. I like it though. Good stuff. 

That is going to be it for today. I hope today is a great one for you and despite the rain you are able to find some sunshine today either physically or emotionally. Do something that makes you happy even if for a short time. In my case I believe that I shall be listening to a lot of music today. That often does the trick for me when things are feeling kind of gloomy and gray. So Hug each other and keep on Dancing will you.

Sun In My Morning - The Bee Gees

Feel the emotion. Embrace the emotion and ride the storm through it and on the other side you will be the better for it. Trust me.