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Thursday, March 06, 2014

Thursday Thoughts

At the coffeehouse drinking an Americano. As usual it is good. I have never had a bad one here. I can be sure of that point. In fact the only complaints that I have ever had here have been because of the other customers. The coffee is always good. The baked goods are always good and the service is always attentive and friendly. Is it too much for me to ask that the other customers behave like the members of the functional society that we live in. This isn't Bosnia or Somalia for Pete's sake. Is a little civility too much to ask?

Lover's Eyes - Mumford and Sons

Look around before you sit down. Take notice of the other people both in the coffeehouse and in the line. Take the time to actually read the board before you order. You have been standing in line for 30 sec to a minute maybe two at the most and that is plenty of time to make up your mind. This isn't Starbucks. Do not ask for something blended or whipped or extra foamed. Get your coffee sit your ass down and be happy that you are lucky enough to live in a country and a state and a city that really appreciates a cup of the good stuff. If you want a damn milkshake then take your ass to the Baskin and Robbins and get a damned milkshake.

Shaman's Blues - The Doors

Better yet. If there are a total of three seats at a bar location. Do not sit in the middle seat and spread out your gear so as to take up the space in front of the other two seats. This is akin too going in to the restroom and upon seeing a line of empty urinals stepping up next to the one other person using a urinal and peeing right next to them. This is clueless and rude and betrays you for the savage that you are. It does you a disservice and brings shame upon your family and your friends and any right thinking person would at this point choose to stop being your friend and just end the relationship entirely. Trust me. They are better off without you in their life.

Paranoid - Black Sabbath

Oh...and another thing. I get that you may be an a date of some sort with your lady friend. And good for you if you are. I get it the couches here are very comfortable and cozy. But seriously. This is a public place and you two are obviously not highschoolers. GIVE EACH OTHER SOME ROOM!!! I do not need to see your intimate relations in public. The baristas do not need to hose down the couches with disinfectant when you eventually untangle your entwined limbs and slither out into the darkness. That kind of shameful behavior belongs in the darkness and not out in the light among the decent people.

Isle of Avalon - Iron Maiden

This has been Lance's Coffeehouse Etiquette class for today. Get it together people. The world will be a better place for all of us.

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