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Friday, April 30, 2010

4-30-2010 (Friday)

Friday! Friday! Friday! It is Friday the 30th of April and the week and the month are coming to an end. I felt like it was a pretty good one here at One for the Ages. I covered topics all over the spectrum and there was a real lack of coherency to everything. But, that is the way my brain works and I want to thank the readers I have who stick around for the chaos. I think we learned some good stuff this month. The most important thing being that I have now laid the ground work for "The New Theocracy" and those of you who have read about are always going to be damaged by that. So you have that going for you.......which is nice.

I went to the Timbers game last night against the team from Vancouver who are also going into the MLS next season. It was a good exciting match and the Timbers managed to squeak out a 2-1 victory with a nice goal in the 86th minute by Ryan Pore. Mr Pore is leading the Timbers in scoring this season and has a goal in every match so far and two in last nights. The Timbers are 3-0-1 which is a great start to the season. I hope they continue along this path and can finish this last year before MLS with a league title. I think that would be a great way to go out.

So I went to see the film "Kick Ass" which I really liked. But I realize that this kind of film is not everybody's cup of tea. The gore and violence level is pretty high as well as the language. But I felt that it was just a really fun kind of popcorn movie that is just there to entertain. I admit that I am kind of a snob when it comes to movies and I like films that make a point or have some sort of deeper meaning then just what is on the screen. But I also just enjoy something silly now and then. So if you can handle a bit of the old ultra violence I want to recommend it here. I also really liked the music.

The song is a version of the theme song of a kids show called "The Banana Splits". This show was created when I was an infant but at some point it got put into syndication and for me the damage was done. This theme song has been in my head since I was little and it has never fully gone away. It just exists there as part of my memories and pops up every now then to say "Hey Lance! Do you remember all of those cool television shows you used to watch on Saturday mornings and after school? We were your only friends please do not forget us." Well never fear old television shows. You will always have a place in my heart.

Hmmm that strikes me as interesting. So please prepare yourselves folks because next week I think we will be taking a little trip down the old television highway and discussing some of those classic shows. Well, classic shows as I remember them anyway. You guys have a good weekend.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

4-29-30 (Thursday)

It is Thursday morning and the earth is still spinning along. I do not really have much going on today in the old noggin I think that my series about the 'new theocracy' and the 'electric hugsuits' may have emptied my mind of whatever creativity may have been lurking in there.

So I hope to bounce back tomorrow or next week. I am going to the Timbers game tonight and that may inspire me as well. We shall see. But as I go I leave you with this.


Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

4-27-2010 (Tuesday)

Well it is Tuesday and I am sitting here but to be honest I am not really feeling it this morning. I went to the Candidates Gone Wild event in Portland, hosted by Storm Large, last night with my friend Sherry. I really liked it and enjoyed myself but as I rolled into the driveway last night at 11:30 or so and as I woke up this morning with a stiff neck at 6 am. I realized that I am just getting to old to stay up that late on nights when I have to work the next day.

Now granted it is possible that my lack of sleep over the weekend and the minor migraine I had on Sunday may have had something to do with it. But I am not sure. All that I am sure of is that my body feels wrecked this morning. Well not my whole body just the back of my neck below my head and running down into my shoulders. Here is hoping that it loosens up some as the day goes along.

Catch you later folks.

Monday, April 26, 2010

4-26-2010 (Monday)

Hey everybody!! It is Monday and the week begins anew. I hope everybody had a good weekend and didn't get to worked up or depressed worrying about things that we really have no control over. I hope everybody enjoyed last weeks little excursion into both satire and humor. I really have no plan of attack when the week begins and I tend to write whatever pops into my head. So it felt good to me to have a theme that actually lasted the whole week. I also enjoyed the interactions through the comments section with Shakes and S as well as JoelT popping in for a bit. I think that for me what I found the funniest bits were the discussion about the Electronic Wool Hugsuits. I found myself laughing out loud at the thought of them.

I heard an interesting piece this morning on NPR about a syndrome called Williams Syndrome there are several ways in which this manifests itself but what I found most interesting in the piece as they were talking to the mother of a little girl that has it. Was that in the, words of the piece on NPR this morning.

"But also, kids and adults with Williams love people, and they are literally pathologically trusting. They have no social fear. Researchers theorize that this is probably because of a problem in their limbic system, the part of the brain that regulates emotion. There appears to be a disregulation in one of the chemicals (oxytocin) that signals when to trust and when to distrust."

You can listen or read the article here NPR

I must give you fair warning though that listening to it this morning on the drive to work well it made me cry. So just a heads up for those of you who are not dead on the inside.

But, it was so interesting to me to think of someone who just automatically trusts people. I realize that young children are a little bit like this. But for people with this condition they just trust everyone. When they first meet that person if that person is willing they will be that persons best friend. The mother of this child detailed her fear in the piece as she talked about her daughter just climbing into a ladies van at the beach and wanting to be held by anyone who looked at her as a baby. I just can't imagine the stress that this must put the parents under as they watch out for the child on a regular basis.

So do yourself a favor and check this piece out. It is really very thought provoking.

Friday, April 23, 2010

4-23-2010 (Friday)

It is Friday and it seems that I am starting to get the word out about the New Theocracy. This fills my heart with gladness, dear ones, and I hope that soon we will all be able to don our electric hugsuits and to power the grid with our hugs. It seems that we have had a minor discussion on the comments section of the last posting about clever vs witty. Well in the words of my prophet Tyler Durden when asked about being clever. "How's that working for you?"

You must be careful when being clever because being clever will lead you to Hipsterism and down that path lies ruin. So stick with me and avoid being clever and soon we will all be wearing our electric hugsuits and we will power the earth with our hugs. We will also be able to drink lots and lots of tasty coffee thanks to our Minister of Coffees, S. I am confident that he will take to his new role in the Theocracy with skill and style all the while leave the clever at home.

I have yet to find a position for Shakes in the Ministry but rest assured I will do so. If anyone else has new ideas for the new Theocracy please feel free to share them.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

4-22-2010 (Thursday)

Well, well, well, as soon as a new idea comes out the Hipster sympathizers rise up and question the new regime. Now while I applaud Joel and his idea to shoot them into the sun, he must understand that such a thing would just not be cost effective. But I am always looking for new ideas so please keep them coming. There may be a place for you in the new Theocracy as a Minister of New Ideas.

Now on to Shakes and her concern about the camps and the fear that this will lead to a couple of potential different results. Shakes writes

"I first thought of the British moving the criminals to Australia, but you have jumped past that into a regimented camp. How long will it be until you see an untapped, unlimited work source? Sure you say they will be fed, but what happens when you realize how much you could save if you reduced their food intake?"

I understand your concern Shakes, but trust me. The average Hipster is so lazy that they are sure to be useless for actual labor. Now I grant you, it may be possible to find a way to generate some sort of energy using their ability to generate anger in others. Perhaps we shall find a way to hook their brains up to a machine and they can do their fair share to power the grid matrix style. I know already that a side benefit of my new "Hugs instead of dollars" campaign will be the generating of small amounts of energy. Perhaps this would be the time to talk about the new uniforms. Everyone who is not a Hipster will be outfitted with a form fitting jumpsuit made out of Angora Wool. Along with the jumpsuit will come a small battery pack that fits on your belt. The prescribed method of hugging will be to shake hands with the right hand and put the left hand and arm around the other person them pulling them close you make three up and down rubbing motions with the left hand on their back. This action done as required per each hug will generate (an estimated) .005 kilowatts per stroke and will serve to power the grid by wireless. So thank you for your thoughts Shakes and please keep them coming. You will be monitored by the Minister of Monitoring.

As to S. and his little poem as it were. You must already be aware S. that I have a place for you in the new Theocracy as the Minister of Coffees. Within that role you will be in charge of all things caffeinated. You should not fear my friend. As long as the Coffee flows the Theocracy will continue. But know this the Minister of Monitoring will be keeping an eye and you and your cleverness.

In fact all those who are clever are going to need to wear a big C on their chests. I will not have the Clever roam about and spread "ideas". There is enough of that going on right now.

Now please stay tuned as later on (Tomorrow or perhaps next week) I will lay out my 10 point plan for the new Theocracy and the Hugonomy that will bring us into a new GOLDEN AGE!!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

4-21-2010 (Wednesday)

It appears that there may be some initial resistance to my plan to replace the world's economy with Hugs. I heard from one Commentator Joel who absolutely refused to Hug a Hipster. Now I can respect that position because after all who would really want to Hug a Hipster. But I am unable to allow for any potential destabilizing of my chosen method of payment. The economy must stay strong and the power and value of the Hug must be inviolate. So therefor I decree that from the day of the beginning of my Theocracy all Hipsters will be done away with. Their presence and the fact that most people are not willing to or want to Hug them will do irreversible damage to my economic system.

We will just relocate them to a Hipster enclave. I am thinking Portland or Seattle because the mild weather will make it easier on them and they seem to thrive in the damp weather. Almost like mold really. But never fear. In the enclave the Hipster will be fed and allowed out daily to exercise. They will be allowed to listen to the latest albums from the hottest indy bands that haven't even been signed yet and in some cases do not even have an album to listen to. They will be allowed a long debate time each day as well as two hours each day to correct errors on the Internet about their favorite bands and films. But I will not allow the drinking of Pabst Blue Ribbon. It is not needed and will only serve to prolong the scourge of Hipster-ism upon the land.

Trust me in this. We will not be truly free until Hipsters are done away with. I tell you upon that glorious day. The sun will shine and the birds shall sing. All will be right with the earth. Now join me in a group Hug as we concentrate upon the gradual removal of the Hipster. My will be done.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

4-20-2010 (Tuesday)

Good morning folks. I hope today finds you well. I added a new gadget or widget to my blog if you look up to the right of it you will see a spinning globe. I believe that the globe will show where people visit from. I hope it keeps a running tally because of all of the information that I can track. What I find really the most interesting to me is where people are reading from. I think that is the best thing by far about the Internet. I love that people from all over the world can find something to read and discuss. I do not have a lot of readers that is for sure. I think there are probably 4 or 5 of you that read me everyday and I am thankful for that.

Most of the time if I have a good day with readers it will be 20 or so. One day when I blogged about not having a very good time at the roller derby and complaining about the rules I believe that I hit 75 for the day which is incredible for me. But what is most interesting to me is that even though I do not have a large amount of readers I have had readers come from all over the world and that just blows my mind. I just wish people would take a moment to say hello and tell me how they found me. But other then that it is just pretty cool for me to think that someone from Europe who doesn't know me from Adam is reading my thoughts. Who knows perhaps one day my thought cause a revolution of thought that will one day bring down society as we know it.

When that day comes and all that we know will have been torn down and buried beneath the rubble of the past. Then and only then will L. Andrew C. rise above and take my rightful place as Emperor and those of you who are reading me now will all be afforded new positions in the Theocracy that will soon follow. I will need ministers to administer my demands for the people. There will be no hunger!!! There will be no poor!! Because when I do away with the world monetary system and install payment by Hugs we will all be the richer for it. You want to buy a car? Well that is easy 20K Hugs for you. The happiness that Hugs will bring us will make the world a better place.

In fact on the day that I assume my rightful place as ruler I will decree "FREE HUGS FOR ALL"!! So as this thought revolution builds you must ask yourselves. What would you rather have made up paper money or a monetary system based on the value and volume of pure Hugs? I know what I would rather have.

Now, who wants a Hug?

Monday, April 19, 2010

4-19-2010 (Monday)

My friends and I went to the Portland Timbers game this weekend. It was opening game for this season as well as the last opening day for the Timbers in this league. Because next season is their first season in Major League Soccer (MLS). It was a great opening day. My buddy Nick and I have season tickets and they are in the third row right on the 48 yard line. So it was a fun evening overall.

But what I wanted to address in today's post was the fans at the game. The Timbers have a pretty rabid fan base. The game was sold out with a little over 15K people now when the team starts MLS next season the stadium will have been renovated and should be holding closer to 30K I believe. I just hope that we can continue to fill it. I think that Portland as a city and the parts of Oregon that surround it can pull in those kind of numbers. I know there are some non-believers out there and that is fine. But to them I say we will not know until we try. So I think it is a good move on the part of the Timbers ownership as well as the Portland city council to go for this chance.

But the best part of the day for me was seeing my friend's Travis and Andrew and Nick and then playing "Hipster Slug" (Copyrighted) "I own that so none you trolls better steal it. If you do at least send the traffic my way please." So anyway I am sure most of you are familiar with slug bug. Well this is a variant of that. Now I realize that most large city's have a fair share of their own hipsters but I think Portland seems to attract a special sub-set of hipsters.

So I thought lets play that and promptly punched Nick when I saw one. Well that was fun but honestly after a very little bit. Between the punching of Nick and him punching me back and Travis having a good eye for hipsters and lets be honest in certain parts of Portland you can't throw a can of PBR without hitting a hipster and they seem particularly drawn to the Timbers games. Well my arm was getting sore and there never seemed to be an end to them. They just kept coming and coming. They were always there around every corner with their tattoos and their black rimmed glasses and their smoking. It was like a zombie movie except the zombies had been replaced by hipsters.

As the Timbers season progress's I will be giving you more updates about the season and I think I will begin tagging hipsters Marlin Perkins style. I think it will benefit all of us to keep track of their movements around Portland. At the very least it may benefit the numerous coffee roasters in the area.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

4-15-2010 (Thursday)

Well we have made it to Thursday. I suppose that is a good thing. It is also Tax day today. I suppose I should be working on those this evening.

Other then that I do not really have anything for today. I hope you people have a good day in whatever direction that takes you and try to take a moment to just enjoy the present and focus on that with out getting to concerned about what has happened in the past or what you think will happen in the future.

Ahhh. Happy moments from Lance. I am your new guru! Just take a sip of this Kool-aid and follow me.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

4-14-2010 (Wednesday)

I just realized that I posted yesterday as a Wednesday and I think actually Wednesday is today and yesterday was Tuesday I hope I didn't mess up anyone's day. :)

I heard on the radio this morning an interesting piece about ranchers in eastern Oregon and the problem they are having with rustlers. Yes you heard that right it is 2010 and we are dealing with rustlers in eastern Oregon. What I found most interesting about the story was that while Oregon has a law about brands on cattle and they use that to track ownership and make it impossible for people to sell the stolen cattle in Oregon. But since some other states do not have the same laws it is possible for the thieves to take the cattle to other states and sell them there.

So the sheriff of the county down there has been talking about micro-chipping the cattle to be able to stop the theft. They are all ready micro-shipping house pets and to do the same with cattle would be an incredible hassle. But I just found it fascinating that they were talking about using new technology to stop an ages old problem. Though as the sheriff said "ranchers are stubborn people". It was a very good piece.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

4-13-2010 (Wedensday)

Tuesday morning and one step closer to tax day. Which reminds me that I need to sit down and get to work on that. I am wondering if any of you out there turned in your census forms or form I should say. I mailed mine in. It was kind of interesting I was a little surprised at how simple it was. Now granted I do not really remember any of the other Census that I have been a part of. So I am not sure if that is really a good or bad thing.

But to me it seemed really not all that invasive. Name, address and what my ethnicity was and how many people were living in my place of residence. I feel like I answer a form or that question all of the time when I am cruising around online. So because I do not find it a big deal it has been a little surprising to me that there has been some resistance to the process. Now, I could totally understand being resistant if this was some brand new and never been done before thing. Something that had been put in to place for strictly political and partisan reasons. But, this is not the case.

I mean it is right there in the Constitution in article 1, section 2. So we have been counting every 10 years since 1790. This isn't a new thing. So get with it people!! Fill it out and send it in. Do not let perceived partisan politics get in the way of this. In this case that is not the issue here at all. We could have a Whig or a Torry in office and we would still be having a census.

Monday, April 12, 2010

4-12-2010 (Monday)

Monday, Monday!! How is it going folks? I feel like today is starting out to be a pretty good one.

I smiled as I drove up the freeway this morning listening to the book radio. The only thing that cause me to frown was when I begin to speed up to pass a car in the middle lane I noticed a white Volvo coming up behind me. I was not going fast enough for him it seemed. Now I was going at that point about 70 MPH which is five miles over the speed limit in Oregon. When I noticed the Volvo he was so close that I could not see his headlights at all but I could see the driver gesturing at me. Well........I did not find it very amusing and so I made eye contact with him in the mirror and then lifted my foot off of the accelerator.......

You are just going to have to wait to here the rest of my tale.

Friday, April 09, 2010

4-9-2010 (Friday)

It is Friday, Friday, Friday! I hope things are going well for everyone out there in the internet land. I am looking forward to the weekend. It isn't that I have anything planned but I am looking forward to not having anything really to do. I am sure that I will find something to do but I doubt it will be anything all that productive. Though you never know. Perhaps I may get inspired.

It is funny to me that since I bought the new car. I have not been listening to that much NPR or really anything that is new radio in the car. It came with free satellite radio for three months. I thought well that is kind of cool but I do not really care. It was not a selling point for me. It was just something that came with the car. But the problem is that I stumbled across a station that is exclusively directed towards books. Not only do they talk about books and interview authors they also do readings and stage presentations of radio serials.

What I have been listening to in the mornings is a half hour show that does only books by Orson Scott Card. Now some of my readers will have read his books and I am sure that others will never have heard of him. I hate to cut this short but that is all I have time for today. I am hoping to address this later this weekend. So have a nice day.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

4-8-2010 (Thursday)

I am a little groggy this morning. No. I did not stay up to late last night. But my neighbors kept me up to late. If it wasn't the thump of, what I think is, techno. Then it was girls outside talking. I do not mind people having a party and staying up late. Or even music being played loudly but at 12:30 or later on a Wednesday night? Come on people!!

So far Kent has gone over there once at 1 am and they turned their music down. I have gone over there once at about 11:30 and they turned their music down. But I wonder how often I need to do that before they figure it out. Or, should I just take it to the next level and call the police and let them deal with it. If I was living in a house in a normal neighborhood then I might have already done the second option. But since I am living in basically a duplex that makes upsetting the neighbors a little more problematic.

Sorry for the break there. I was filling my coffee cup and looking at the ducks outside the office window. It is nice outside this morning and the ducks are starting to look at each other with amorous intent. I am looking forward to the appearance of ducklings in a few weeks. But, what I am not looking forward to is the appearance of the Herons which I have been told fly in to eat the ducklings. Ahhh, the circle of life! It is things like that which make me glad I am on top of the food chain. It would be an interesting world if there were creatures who stalked us and used us for food. Think about that for awhile and let it blow your mind. There would be stores for them and they would by human fingers and eat roasted human. I imagine ours would be a tender meat. I think in my case I would be nicely marbled and filled with flavor. But I know a few people who would certainly be lean and too tough.

Hmmm, maybe we should consider this idea for ourselves. I mean overpopulation is fast becoming a problem why not fatten us up for harvesting? Wait a minute. What is McDonalds and the other fast food chains doing? Is that what is going on? Is this all part of President Obamas grand Socialist agenda? To fatten us up for the harvest? Is that what this is? He isn't a president he is a farm manager!! He is fattening up the American people to be harvested but harvested by who?

Rest assured my readers I will get to the bottom of this. We will find out who it is that we are being prepared to be eaten by.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

4-7-2010 (Wednesday)

Sorry I didn't post anything yesterday folks. My head was not in it. I had to go to a memorial service yesterday for a student I knew at Western Oregon. He was 25 and a very talented artist in multiple mediums. I knew his cousin and through his cousin I met him. He donated several pieces of his art to a fund raiser that my MUN club did at school and I was always amazed at the quality of work he put out as well as the sheer volume of it. He seemed to always have new stuff out.

So needless to say. It was kind of a rough day yesterday. There was a lot of people at the service ranging from members of Mark's family to other past and present students at WOU as well as several members of the faculty. It was a nice service and it was obvious that people really loved Mark and will miss him.

I do not have anything witty or poignant to say about all of this. I am still kind of processing what it means when someone dies and the different ways that people use to cope with it. There really wasn't a message to the service yesterday. It was mainly people remembering the good things about Mark and good memories. I just hope his family and his really close friends are able to keep remembering those things and can continue to value those memories as they move forward. I hurt for his sister as she talked about being alone now and not having Mark any more for the rest of her life.

I am going to stop there otherwise I will just continue to ramble on. I will talk to you tomorrow. I hope it will be a little more coherent.

Monday, April 05, 2010

4-5-2010 (Monday)

No real post today folks. I am running a little bit behind schedule and that is all. I hope to be back on track tomorrow.

Friday, April 02, 2010

4-2-2010 (Friday)

It is Friday and I got nothing. There is a storm coming in from the Oregon coast and the wind is blowing hard, the rain is coming down and there appears to be an old lady riding a bicycle past my window. So hang in there folks and I will see you on Monday. Have a good weekend.

Thursday, April 01, 2010

4-1-2010 (Thursday)

Well, well, well. It is April 1st, 2010 also known as April Fools day. I am not sure when this whole day began there are references as far back as Chaucer in his "Canterbury Tales" but it is hard to say. As it is now it seems like most of the world takes part in this one form or another. The internet has made it even easier to take part and to fool lots of people. Some of these are clever and some not so clever. But, I think you could make that same case for most of the internet.

I found a site that claims to have the Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes of All Time. It looks like a pretty interesting at least the top 10 does anyway. I am not planning on any shenanigans on my part. I do enjoy finding them but I do not think I am clever enough to pull them off. One of my friends already posted a link on Facebook to an article saying that McDonald's was stopping their leftover food composting plan because none of their food will compost. I thought that was pretty funny. So I am looking forward to finding and seeing more of these hoaxes as the day goes on. I hope you people have a fun day as well.