Where Do My Readers Come From?

Sunday, November 25, 2012

bah......

I know, I know, two angst filled rant posts in a row. I do not know what is going on. This is supposed to be the happiest time of the year and instead I want to be all gloom and doom. Things were a lot easier for me when I wasn't at all self aware of things. Then I just did whatever I felt like doing without ever questioning my motivations for those things. The only real difference right now is that while I still do pretty much whatever I want too. I also totally question my motivation for doing those things and then sometimes that can send me into some sort of introspective death spiral and I end up deep, deep down into my psyche where even devils fear to tread.

If I ever had the money to go to therapy I am sure I could be the source for several best selling books and perhaps an award winning film or two. That might be a way for me to make some money. I wonder if I could get paid to be analyzed? It would almost be as masturbatory as writing this blog but instead of writing about myself I could get paid to talk about myself once a week for an hour or so. Or 50 minutes depending on the doctors time. I can already tell, as I write this, that I am feeling better. It seems pretty clear to me that sometimes the best medicine is writing and when I stop doing it the clouds start to form. So even if I am feeling lazy about the writing I need to stick to it even if it is just as a forum for me to ramble about different things as opposed to having some sort of focused writing time or agenda.

Granted it would be easier if I could specialize in some sort of topic or some hot button issue. But my interests are so varied that it is really hard for me to narrow anything down. I like so many different things. I guess I should be happy about that and just ride that wave wherever it takes me. It isn't like it would hurt anything that is for sure.

Thanks for reading this. If anyone reads it. I always helps me to vent things a little bit, even if what I am venting is nothing that is super dramatic or anything. I hope those of you who have read this had a good weekend. I hope to be back writing again soon. Maybe shining a spotlight on whatever is inspiring me at that particular moment.


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