Monday Music and Musings

Good Monday to you my friends....

Analog Kid - Rush

This is a classic Rush song and one that I always enjoy. Though to be fair I have to admit that I enjoyed Rush more when I unaware of the political leanings of their main lyricist N. Peart. I suppose I should be charitable because of his age when he wrote most of their music. But anyway this is still a pretty great song. 

  I hope the day is finding you well and that you are recovering for yesterdays festivities. I know that often the Super Bowl is the most watched even of the entire year. I would love to see a study done as to how many people miss the Monday after the big game. I suspect that the offices in most of greater Seattle are going to be pretty empty today. I would imagine that a good chunk of Denver will be empty as well but probably out of sadness rather then recovery from the happiness. I have watched nearly all the Super Bowls since I was 10 or 11 and I can't recall anything ever being that bad. I was shocked. I don't Seattle is that good but I never thought of Denver as bad either.

Magic - Ben Folds Five

A great song by the Ben Folds Five. I love basically everything Ben Folds and the Ben Folds Five has ever done. 

So I suppose I should address something that happened yesterday that for me was far more impacting than anything that happened in the Super Bowl and that was the death of Philip Seymour Hoffman. It isn't unusual for me to get emotional about something. I am not afraid to show my emotions. I wear them on my sleeve and my open face and anyone who knows me knows that over the stretch of time they are going to see me either laugh loudly and openly and they will see me with tears in my eyes. This is the reality of my being.

Rod Stewart - Maggie May

I do not listen to a lot of Rod Stewart and this song is coming from a film soundtrack. I believe it is Almost Famous. But it is a great song. I really should check out the rest of his music because I do love this song.

But, while I am emotional I usually do not react to the deaths of famous people that I do not know. I just never have. I am not sure why. I suppose on some logical level I never knew them and they did not know me and so why get worked up about it. But it wasn't like I was making a choice to not be emotional of these events I just wasn't. What was odd about yesterday was as news began to pop up on Facebook and different people begin sharing links to news articles about Philip Seymour Hoffman being found I began to find myself getting sad.

The Angels Are Singing In Heaven Tonight - Ralph Stanley II

A great bluegrass number and a nice thought. 


I cried for the death of a very talented man and I cried at the memories I have of his many wonderful performances and of the many films that he has been in that have been a big part of my life as a lover of cinema. I am not going to speculate as to the nature of his death. We all have demons and we all handle them in different ways. But I am saddened by and I miss him. It is very hard for me to pin down a favorite film or performance of his that I liked better than any others but I think that for me my top 5 Philip Seymour Hoffman performances in now real particular order are.

Almost Famous

The Big Lebowski

Pirate Radio

The Master

Magnolia

There are many more but for me those are the performances that I think of when I think of him and his acting. I am sad that he is gone and I will be revisiting these films again soon.

I do not know what else to say. It may be uncool of me to be sad about this and so be it. I am going to sit her and be uncool. I think I am in pretty good company.

See you tomorrow. 

Bonus Ben Folds....

I just posted about the amount of Reggae and Metal that I have been listening to and as soon as I did that and then spent some more time listening to Manowar I also realized that it truly doesn't matter what I have been listening to. I will always go back to Ben Folds or The Ben Folds Five and I will always go back to him because for so many reasons I just love his music. So much.

Annie Waits - Ben Fold live with WASO

There are some musicians that will do a show with an orchestra and it is absolutely horrible, Metallica comes to mind for one example but what Ben did with the West Australian Symphony Orchestra was simply amazing and so nice to listen to. I am not a trained musician but there are things that I can like and enjoy and this is one that I enjoy so much.

Stumblin' Home Winter Blues - Ben Folds Five

This is another one that I just love. It sticks with me.

Rockin' the Suburbs - Ben Folds

I like this one because it makes fun of so many things and yet still manages to rock your socks off. That and also I think Limp Bizkit and Fred Durst were totally horrible and I think that Ben agrees with me.

Fred Jones, Part 2 - Ben Folds with WASO

This one is so poignant and almost heart breaking in its simple beauty. I love the piano in it. It has brought me to tears a time or two and I am not ashamed that at all.

Evaporated - Ben Folds with WASO

So beautiful.

Still Fighting It (Extended Version) - Ben Folds

This song is one that touches me, even though I do not have a child nor do I want one. But I can totally understand what he is singing about and what my friends who have children are dealing with to some degree.

The Luckiest - Ben Fold with WASO

This is the sappiest and cloying of love songs. But there something about it that totally touches me. I think it is a great song and I do not care what anyone else thinks about that.

Mess - Ben Folds Live in London

This is just a great song and one that I truly enjoy listening to again and again.

That is all for today folks. Please have an excellent Friday and an amazing weekend. Blessings, may they be upon you.

What Happens When We Step Through The Portal?

Today was not a good day. There were parts of it that were but overall it just wasn't. When I was sitting in the silence and the solitude it was fine. But when I decided to leave and go out of the house things kind of went haywire. It was a beautiful day out. The sky is nice and blue and there are puffy clouds everywhere and the temperature is not to high. It is just a nice, nice day. But there are no more nice days for Eric and in reality I wonder how many nice days there are for me. Oh sure I am very capable of putting on the smiling face and totally faking it and my body and mind sometimes even believe me.

Landed - Ben Folds

But in the end when I stop distracting myself it all comes crashing in on me. But everything really seems to taste of ash and there is no real joy in anything for me. There are momentary glimpses of joy that soon fade as reality and the truth of the situation come rushing back in to fill the blissful void.  It feels like I have some kind of inertia built up that is just keeping me moving and doing routine things even when I am not sleeping at night. I had thought that I had handled the lack of sleep and things were getting better but in the last four days or so that has not been the case at all. In fact it feels like it has gotten worse in some ways.

All You Can Eat - Ben Folds

The honestly frustrating thing for me is that I can feel myself feeling better as I listen to music and write down my thoughts. But it isn't like I can sit and do this all day every day. Well I suppose I could but I am not sure how to turn this into a paying gig. Would someone like to be my patron? I wonder if I could do a kickstarter to fund myself writing for a few years. I suppose I could look into it and try to find out if I could. I think people make a living doing worse things that is for sure.

Philosophy - Ben Folds

I think part of what upsets me so much is the inability to say good bye to Eric. I was not able to sit down with him and have that final long extended conversation about life and Zen and Philosophy and what makes the world tick. That pains me. That is a void that I will never be able to fill in anyway and it makes me want to scream because of it. It all just kind of narrows down to that point. Oh I know all the words and all the things people say but even knowing that it wasn't my fault and that it wasn't up to me to save him. It still feels like I failed to save him. That all of the mystical mumbo jumbo that I use to allow myself to function and to get through life was not enough for him despite all of our conversations and it it eats me up inside everyday.

Rock Star - Ben Folds

..and while I know all of this on an intellectual level, it is not enough for me on an emotional level and those thoughts and words just continually swirl around and around in my head unless I can keep up the constant motion and the constant attempts at distraction and I don't know when it will ever stop. and, and, and, forever and ever amen.