Bonus Ben Folds....

I just posted about the amount of Reggae and Metal that I have been listening to and as soon as I did that and then spent some more time listening to Manowar I also realized that it truly doesn't matter what I have been listening to. I will always go back to Ben Folds or The Ben Folds Five and I will always go back to him because for so many reasons I just love his music. So much.

Annie Waits - Ben Fold live with WASO

There are some musicians that will do a show with an orchestra and it is absolutely horrible, Metallica comes to mind for one example but what Ben did with the West Australian Symphony Orchestra was simply amazing and so nice to listen to. I am not a trained musician but there are things that I can like and enjoy and this is one that I enjoy so much.

Stumblin' Home Winter Blues - Ben Folds Five

This is another one that I just love. It sticks with me.

Rockin' the Suburbs - Ben Folds

I like this one because it makes fun of so many things and yet still manages to rock your socks off. That and also I think Limp Bizkit and Fred Durst were totally horrible and I think that Ben agrees with me.

Fred Jones, Part 2 - Ben Folds with WASO

This one is so poignant and almost heart breaking in its simple beauty. I love the piano in it. It has brought me to tears a time or two and I am not ashamed that at all.

Evaporated - Ben Folds with WASO

So beautiful.

Still Fighting It (Extended Version) - Ben Folds

This song is one that touches me, even though I do not have a child nor do I want one. But I can totally understand what he is singing about and what my friends who have children are dealing with to some degree.

The Luckiest - Ben Fold with WASO

This is the sappiest and cloying of love songs. But there something about it that totally touches me. I think it is a great song and I do not care what anyone else thinks about that.

Mess - Ben Folds Live in London

This is just a great song and one that I truly enjoy listening to again and again.

That is all for today folks. Please have an excellent Friday and an amazing weekend. Blessings, may they be upon you.

What Happens When We Step Through The Portal?

Today was not a good day. There were parts of it that were but overall it just wasn't. When I was sitting in the silence and the solitude it was fine. But when I decided to leave and go out of the house things kind of went haywire. It was a beautiful day out. The sky is nice and blue and there are puffy clouds everywhere and the temperature is not to high. It is just a nice, nice day. But there are no more nice days for Eric and in reality I wonder how many nice days there are for me. Oh sure I am very capable of putting on the smiling face and totally faking it and my body and mind sometimes even believe me.

Landed - Ben Folds

But in the end when I stop distracting myself it all comes crashing in on me. But everything really seems to taste of ash and there is no real joy in anything for me. There are momentary glimpses of joy that soon fade as reality and the truth of the situation come rushing back in to fill the blissful void.  It feels like I have some kind of inertia built up that is just keeping me moving and doing routine things even when I am not sleeping at night. I had thought that I had handled the lack of sleep and things were getting better but in the last four days or so that has not been the case at all. In fact it feels like it has gotten worse in some ways.

All You Can Eat - Ben Folds

The honestly frustrating thing for me is that I can feel myself feeling better as I listen to music and write down my thoughts. But it isn't like I can sit and do this all day every day. Well I suppose I could but I am not sure how to turn this into a paying gig. Would someone like to be my patron? I wonder if I could do a kickstarter to fund myself writing for a few years. I suppose I could look into it and try to find out if I could. I think people make a living doing worse things that is for sure.

Philosophy - Ben Folds

I think part of what upsets me so much is the inability to say good bye to Eric. I was not able to sit down with him and have that final long extended conversation about life and Zen and Philosophy and what makes the world tick. That pains me. That is a void that I will never be able to fill in anyway and it makes me want to scream because of it. It all just kind of narrows down to that point. Oh I know all the words and all the things people say but even knowing that it wasn't my fault and that it wasn't up to me to save him. It still feels like I failed to save him. That all of the mystical mumbo jumbo that I use to allow myself to function and to get through life was not enough for him despite all of our conversations and it it eats me up inside everyday.

Rock Star - Ben Folds

..and while I know all of this on an intellectual level, it is not enough for me on an emotional level and those thoughts and words just continually swirl around and around in my head unless I can keep up the constant motion and the constant attempts at distraction and I don't know when it will ever stop. and, and, and, forever and ever amen. 

Monday...

Some days you wake up and everything seems fine but then there are other days where you wake up and get your coffee and sit down in front of your computer to continue your job search and everything just kind of breaks down. Sometimes all it takes is one thoughtful comment on Facebook and it tips you right over the emotional edge and you didn't even realize that you were on the edge. The main reason because you woke up with that moment of clarity when the reality of life has not been remembered and things seem good. But the reality is that things are not good and you are just putting one foot in front of the other because that is all you know how to do and you know that if you stop moving it will all fall apart.

Battle of Who Could Care Less - Ben Folds Five

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be able to not care. I think it would be freeing in some way. No, I am sure it would be freeing to not have this knot inside my belly of worry and pain for how the others are coping with this. To not be taken by surprise by emotions so strong that they leave you nearly doubled up as you try to fight off the sobs that you feel bubbling up inside of you. You have given up telling people that you are fine when they ask because that isn't true. But you are also tired of trying to explain to people why you are not fine and you are tired of seeing their eyes glaze over and you can see how much they regret even asking the question but that doesn't matter because they can't really understand the answer and how you are processing it is so completely different then how anyone else is.

La Villa Strangiato - Rush

Sometimes it is all you can do. It is all you are able to do. To sit and immerse yourself in a video game because then you can have a little bit of that emptiness that you crave. You can have a small break from the constant thinking. Because the thoughts never really stop and if you aren't filling the space around you with some sort of white noise they become overwhelming and the others faces and how much pain they are in pops into your head and flies around you like the specters in a bad horror movie. You are thankful that you are out of work because you do not understand how some of the others are even functioning at this time and wonder if they are able to use work to find their blankness.

Feb 20, 2000 - The Avett Bros

You try to meditate because that has been successful in the past. But you are trying so hard to find that Zen that it has become almost impossible to achieve.You smoke a little pot thinking that will help you to get their. It does not.

Pieces of a Story - Trevor Jones

The only thing that seems to help when you are in the middle of it is to grab someone and hold on to them. Because for some reason the feel their bodies the skin of their skin against yours validates your existence. You do that and you return to your blog because writing it down at least helps you to ride that bubble of grief it helps it to be manageable and it gives it a release and because you know of no other way for you to cope with this.

Turn Turn Turn - The Byrds

That and sometimes the strange randomness of the music can help as well because sometimes the songs seem more appropriate then you realize and you wonder, how random is random.

Am I Not Merciful? - Hans Zimmer

Seriously? How random is random because right now this not feeling random. Damn you Google and your mystical music player. 

Bonus Thursday Music

1: Didn't I (blow your mind this time) - The Delfonics: This one is from the soundtrack for 'Jackie Brown' which I think is a criminally underrated movie. I think it is so much better then the last three films Tarentino has made. But part of that is probably because the soundtrack is so good. I love the funk in it and this song is just amazing. So good. It is a total unashamed love song and it can really generate some good feels. So put on the headphones and give it a listen.

2: The Apl Song - The Black Eyed Peas: Oh boy, I didn't even realize that I had any Black Eyed Peas in my collection and this one isn't even one of their hits. I believe that a good chunk of this song is in Filipino. I can appreciate the  personal nature of this song and so that lets me enjoy it actually a little bit more then some of their other songs. Because I love it when an artist can be transparent. So I would have to say that I am enjoying this one even if I do not fully understand it. The video really shows how deep the song is and shows far more depth then I thought the Black Eyed Peas were capable of.

3: Sink The Pink - ACDC - Wow, that is an abrupt change from the touching nature of the last song. The kings of bad metaphors ACDC is rocking us with the subtly titled 'Sink The Pink'. I am pretty sure this song is about sex and drinking and partying and getting your rocks off. But I believe nearly every song by ACDC is about those things. That is what has made them so popular for so long. Why change a good model.

\m/ \m/

4: Alice Childress - Ben Folds Five - I do not need to say much about this man and his music. He affects me in a far deeper and emotional way then lots of the other music I listen to does. I am not sure why. But all I can say is that I love it and I love how authentic it is. I love how he is unafraid to wrestle with the hard questions and his understanding of the power of music.

5: Reverend Black Grape - Black Grape: This is a song that I just enjoy so much and was probably the biggest song off of their one album. It is NOT SAFE FOR WORK so put on some headphones. Their is a funkiness to this song that just make me bob my head and tap my feet. So good.

There you go folks. I hope you enjoy your special Thursday bonus edition.

If Wishes and Butts Were Candy and Nuts....

We would all have a Merry Christmas!! There is a line in the film 'Pitch Perfect' that goes like this. "If I could sing a lick, I would. But I can't and I hate myself everyday for it!"


I am not nearly as dramatic as that but there are times when I am listening to music and I feel that way about playing guitar or piano or drums or just wanting to be in a band in general and to be able to blow peoples minds. To just be up on stage and to rock their socks off with the power of my rocking! So because of that I thought it might be fun to show you guys some songs that make me feel that way. I hope you enjoy listening to them as much as I enjoy bringing them to you.

Now the first instrument I want to highlight is guitar and I am not saying that this is the best guitarist in the world or anything like that. I am just saying that listening to this makes me wish I could play guitar like that.

Let's take a look at drums now and for me this is a pretty obvious choice. But it may not be the choice for everyone else and the same rule applies as before. I am not saying this is the best, it is just the one that brings these feelings out of me. This is Santana's drummer at Woodstock he was 19 at this time and his name is Michael Shrieve and he will blow your mind. Actually the whole of this performance by the band is mind altering.

The Piano and there can be only one Ben Folds

Bass and Rush go hand in hand

There you go folks. I hope you enjoyed listening to it as much as I enjoyed bringing it too you.

More Music (Ben Folds)

Today is music from one of my favorite artists. I love his work as a composer and as a performer. I really feel like Ben Folds is one of the most talented musicians in the world. He seems to be a student of music as well as a master of the piano. I do not have all of his library by any means. I would like to get it all at some point but I have three solo albums and two Ben Folds Five albums. I love them pretty much all equally.

Some songs touch me on a more emotional level and can just leave me gutted but others are just really, really well crafted songs and are incredibly nice to listen to. As a result it is going to be hard for me to narrow this down. So I am not sure what I am going to do. I think I may just do one from each of the albums I have. But I would encourage all of you to go out and to track down any and all Ben Folds that you can find. He really is amazing.

This first one is from the album WHATEVER AND EVER AMEN from 1997 and is called "Battle of Who Could Care Less". This is an amazing song and it gets bonus points for mention the Rockford Files.



The second album is THE UNAUTHORIZED BIOGRAPHY OF REINHOLD MESSNER from 1999 and is truly an amazing album. I do not think there is a bad song on it. There are truly 11 shining diamonds on this album starting with "Narcolepsy" and finishing with "Lullabye" all the songs are amazing. I am not sure where to be begin honestly.

I had to go with "Mess". It says so much.



I had to add another. I just couldn't help myself. This is a lovely, lovely song and the musical arrangement in it is just beautiful. It is called "Magic"



From there we move into Bens' first solo album from 2001 called ROCKIN' THE SUBURBS. I like this album almost as much as I like the last one. I think it is an underrated album but radio play has never been a hallmark of his success. I think Ben plays music for himself and we fans are lucky enough to get to enjoy it. What he writes is not your typical pop music crafted for the masses in some studio for the teen demographic. It isn't that I dislike that type of music but what Ben Folds does is nothing like it.

I am going to have to do three songs from this one. So, So, good.

"Gone" This song pretty much speaks for itself and anyone who knows me in real life knows exactly what I am talking about.




"Fred Jones, Pt. 2". This one is just really a sad and touching story of a retired newspaper man. It really is a lovely song.



"The Ascent of Stan". The piano in this. So amazing. No words for how good this song is. It is a song with some real truth in it.




The next album is from 2008 and is called WAY TO NORMAL and while there are some good songs on it. I do not feel it compares to the last two I just played. But there is one song that I have played here repeatedly and I am going to do so again today.

"You Don't Know Me" with Regina Spektor. Not much to say that I haven't said in the multiple times that I have already highlighted this song. Just listen to it.



The last album I have which as I look at it may not be a real album at all but may very well be a total bootleg is Ben Fold with the West Australian Symphony Orchestra from 2005.

This is called "The Luckiest"



I hope you all enjoyed Ben Folds and that this encouraged you to get some more of his music.

Music Monday

Sorry about Friday folks. When Blogger hiccuped in the morning I didn't get to writing and then I just never got back on so I failed in my quest to keep the streak alive. So today begins a new quest.

Since it is Monday lets get it started with the top 5 songs in no particular order of effectiveness that make Lance cry at least 60% of the time or more whenever he listens to them.

No 5.



Not much to say about this song. Those who know, they already know why this song is a little kick in the guts for me. It is worse because it really is a lovely song and I am not a fan of the new modern country.

No 4.



I first heard this song on the "Shrek" soundtrack and really enjoyed it then. I have heard many versions but this one just works so well for me. I am not sure if it is her voice or the other singers but it is just a great version.

No 3.



As usual a great song from Ben Folds but I am pretty sure that he isn't singing this about me. He is probably singing it about you guys.

No 4.



This band!! I just. It feels like every song is just so good. I know that some people feel like it is hipster music but I think it is far better and deeper then that.

No 5.



Not much to say about this one. He took away from Tent Reznor and made it his own. I love this version so much.

Web Wednesday

I am just not feeling it much this morning. The creative juices just do not seem to be flowing today. I am not sure what the problem. I have been diligently searching the far corners of the internet to find something to impress you guys with but I have so far been unable to unearth anything that I find worthy of my fan base.

Because, lets face it, I do it for the fans. I know that there are a lot of people who really depend on what I have to say. I know that they look for daily guidance so that they are able to tell their friends what is cool and what all of the hot new trends are. I get it. I realize that I am the coolest cat in the land. It is something that I have had to deal with for years but you know I get through it. I get through it mainly by sheer will power. That and my incredibly large ego.

So here are my three favorite bands right now. You may have heard of them you may not have. But enjoy the smooth, smooth sounds and sweet jazz stylings...



Now normally I find it he height of pretentiousness when an artist records themselves with an orchestra but this really works for Ben Folds. I suppose it is is just style of music. I think that the inherent sadness in his music just fits with the sound of the orchestra.



I just love this older Decemberists song. I think it is because I did Model United Nations so it really makes me laugh. But I also really enjoy the musical craftsmanship of it. It is rare for me to not enjoy one of their songs in one way or the other.



So many White Stripes songs to choose from. This is one that I just always get a kick out of. It is played in what I believe is the saddest key of all. The plaintive note in Mr Whites voice tells us of his need for a friend and how important it is for all of us to have friends in life.

Take a moment today and thank your friends. Or make some new ones.
Aw...hell here is one more