Friday, Friday, Friday!!!

Happy Valentine's Day everybody. But in Oregon today is also the day that we became a state Feb 14th, 1859. All bow in honor of the birth of our glorious state. Our state flower is the Oregon Grape. Our state bird is the Western Meadowlark and our state motto is "Alis Volat propiis"  which in English means "She Flies With Her Own Wings". I think that is pretty right on for my beloved state.

Now that all of the formalities are out of the way lets get back to talking about me and what I like okay.

Child of Nature - The Beatles

You will get very few Beatles songs from me and this is an unreleased demo that was written by Lennon. It is fine I suppose but I am just not a big Beatles fan. I am sorry but they just do not work for me. If I need anything I need an emotional connection and this band eludes me. 

I Remember California - REM

It seems that my music player remembers California rather then Oregon. Oh well, I think Oregon is better. That said I really do like this song. REM rarely disappoints me.   

I think Valentine's is a funny day. I am never really sure how I am supposed to feel. Am I supposed to feel sad if I am not in the midst of a relationship? Because I am not feeling sad. I am feeling pretty good about that stuff right now and I suspect that were I dating I would be feeling much the same. The truth is that I am in the midst of lots of relationships with several very beautiful woman and I love them all. They may not be aware that I love them though. :)

Stayin' Alive - Bee Gees

This is a little more disco than I like my Bee Gees to be but this is a great song and such a catchy tune. So easy to bob your head and tap your feet to. Try it you like doing a little dancing in your office space. 

I mean, don't get me wrong. I like candy and hearts and that kind of stuff and I am as prone to the emotional outburst as the next guy if not more so and this is a day that is geared for such a thing. But I am just as likely to do something extravagant and emotional and dramatic on any other day of the year as well. That is just who I am. I am wired that way. But I am also not trying to make light of the fact that for some singletons, for want of a better word, this is a hard day. It just has not particularly been for me. It has never been that big of an issue for me if I am single or not. I just love people all the time. I can't help it. That is what I am about free love and hugs for all. YAAAAAAY!!

Chasing The Rainbow -  America

I can't say I am thrilled by what the ol random machine is giving me today. It is just not feeling like a day for America. It isn't that I dislike their music I just have to be in the right mood for it and today does not feel like that kind of day. 

Let us see, is there anything else going on that I can get myself worked up about?

Frank's Wild Years - Tom Waits

Nothing says Valentine's like a little Tom Waits. Now we are talking. Well done Tom, you beautiful, beautiful, freak. 

It looks like that is going to be it for me today. Be nice to each other. We are all taking the same journey and it is hard for all of us. Remember these words and live by them "FREE LOVE AND HUGS FOR ALL"

Keep on dancing folks. 

Thursday

Good morning folks and welcome to what looks like is going to be a snowy Thursday. We shall see anyway. The snow has not began to fall where I am but often if we start getting snow than that means that there is a fair amount already at the higher elevations. So we shall see what happens. We have plenty of coffee in the house and that is all that really matter to me.

You Are The One - The Sugar Bears

I believe that this was a fake cartoon band that was created to see Sugar Bear cereal. But I like the song. Classic 70's pop.

Now that football season is over I am can look forward to football of a different sort or soccer as we call it in America. My beloved Portland Timbers have already started their preseason camp in Arizona and have played two early practice matches. One against KC and one against Houston. The team looked pretty good in both matches. They tied the first one and won the second one 2 to nil. The numbers do not really mean a lot but it is nice to see that they are putting the ball into the net and making some progress. The thing that I am looking forward to this year is that the team will have had a solid year under Porter and that gives me great hope that this will allow them to turn last seasons 14 or 15 draws into wins. So we shall see.

King of Comedy - REM

This is not my favorite REM song but I do not hate it. I am not sure about it. Because it kind of has grown on me but I like a more clear vocal track. 

Suffragette City - Seu Jorge

I usually do not like covers of songs done by the sainted one. David Bowie but this song and several great ones were done for the "Life Aquatic" and are in Portuguese and are amazing. The movie is great and so is the soundtrack but that is not a surprise as soundtracks are something that Wes Anderson does very well. 

I find it interesting the different ways that the people in Salem and the Valley react to snow or the threat of snow. The reactions seem to range from really, really giddiness to people almost angry at the snow for it daring to challenge them. But what I find almost more funny is the people who are almost angry at the weather forecasters on the news. These people pay far more attention than I ever have to a local news broadcast and when snow is predicted they are first on the scene to point out that no snow has fallen and how the forecasters are just guessing all of the time. Usually just post after post of this on Facebook.

Finally Falling - Victoria Justice

Teen pop from the Nickelodeon machine. I do not care because I like teen pop now and then. It gives a certain sunniness to life and I like that. 

But what really amuses me is that when the forecasters get it right and the snow is falling fast and heavy and deep these people never ever acknowledge that the forecaster has gotten it right. I am not an apologist for the forecasters, that is not the point. The point is that if you are constantly going to be making a big deal out of something and then you are proven wrong or they are proven right. Well it is okay to acknowledge that you were mistaken and maybe even apologize for the abuse you have been hurling upon them. Would it kill you to be generous? What benefit are you getting out of not acknowledging your mistake? None of us are perfect and it is gloriously freeing when you realize that you do not know everything. Speaking only for myself, when I realized that I do not know everything and that I do not need to know everything and that I do not need to be correct all of the time. Well, life just became better. It will not hurt you to admit that you do not know the answer to everything. Try it. Just admit it to yourself and you will be amazed at how free you soon feel.

Hope - Judas Priest

This song is from the Priest concept album 'Nostradamus'. It is a pretty good album and Rob Halfords voice is still strong after all these years. 

Row Jimmy - The Decembrists

This is, I believe, a cover of a Grateful Dead song and I like it a lot. but I like both The Decembrists and the Grateful Dead a lot. So listen to it. 

Have a good day folks. Snow or not and love your neighbor and yourself. Free Hugs for all and keep on dancing.

New Years Day Music Mix (because I am bored)

I hope your New Years Day was a good one. I am kinda bored and I thought I would use that as a motivational tool and give you guys a little bit of music along with whatever free association thoughts pop into my brain.

The Box - Katy Perry

This is a song that I haven't listened to all that much. It was not a radio single but I think it is a pretty good song. It is pretty typical of the self empowerment stuff that she has been singing about on her last couple of albums. I don't think that this type of thing would work for all singers by any means but she seems to make it work for her.

Powderfinger - Neil Young

This is a great song. But really most everything that he does is great. I am a big fan of Neil Young. I think as far as artistic integrity there is no other artists short of the late great Johnny Cash that comes even close.

I am sitting here trying to think of something to share with you and honestly nothing is coming to mind. Perhaps that is part of the problem. I am trying to cultivate inspiration and I have probably addressed this before but I do not feel that it is possible to manufacture such a thing. I really do wish that it was.

I think, no I know that for me that is a large part of the problem when I feel myself stuck. It isn't that growth or enlightenment isn't going to happen. It is that I am working so hard at trying to manufacture it that I slip right past it. It is easy to just sit and mediate but it becomes hard when I am worried about meditating correctly or not. The only thing that you have to be sure to do when attempting to meditate is to breath. That is right it is that simple. Deep breath in through the nose, and hold it, and then out through the mouth. Deep full breaths that allow you to fill your lungs with air and let you feel your body inflate and deflate.

Truckin - Grateful Dead

I feel like a lot of it for me is that in doing the deep breathing it has made me more aware of my body and how it is feeling. Also on a purely physical level. The daily deep breathing has helped to lower my blood pressure and to keep it lower. It has helped me to be less stressed by the litany of crappy things that life that throw at you. The process of meditating and deep breathing helps me to be calm and be in the moment of breathing. I am not worrying about the future or worrying about events in the past that I can''t change or fix.

Falling - Angelo Badalamenti

I am not claiming to have all of the answers. Because I do not. What I am doing is just sharing with those who bother to read this, what has worked for me over the last 4 to 5 years. Things have been pretty rough but at the same time. It has been a time of incredible growth and a time of learning about relationships and life in general. As time has passed and I have moved very naturally into yoga and meditation things have gotten better for me. When I say this I am thinking of things on a purely emotional level. It is an odd feeling in some ways because on the surface things should feel much worse. But they just don't. I feel very good about my mental and emotional state of being and overall my desire to love and care for others and be there as a sounding board for others is still strong and in some ways stronger then it ever was before.

Earth - Hans Zimmer

I have no idea what the future holds for me at all. But what I do know is that what I can control or at least attempt to control is that I will continue to care for others and to put openness out to world and hopefully openness and love will come back to me in return. I realize that this may be too hippy dippy for some of you. But I also know that I am not being honest if I do not put it out there. Also if you see me in a Dashiki don't act all that surprised. They look super comfortable and why wouldn't I wear one.

Oddfellows Local 151 - REM

That is the last of my New Years Day thoughts for you. I hope you enjoyed the glimpse into the twisted mind of Lance. Every day is another step deeper toward my core and deeper toward my truth.

Monday Music Mix

Morning folks. Why don't you hop on board the music train with me and we will get this week started.

It's Still Rock n Roll To Me- Billy Joel

This is a nice toe tapper to get things going this morning. I think the song is probably pretty dated but overall I do enjoy it.

Step Into My Office, Baby - Belle and Sebastian

Oh my Glob. I love this song. It reminds me of Mad Men which is a show that I love. But that isn't the only thing. It is a just a great song. So far I am feeling pretty good about the musical mix and how it is starting the day off. Good stuff.

I did my Hindu squats and my deep breathing this morning and it is actually kind of amazing to me how quickly I feel a benefit from doing that. I can feel a fundamental difference in my physical well being. I do not know if it is just me being aware of my breathing and breathing deep and slow and getting all that oxygen into my body while I do my movements but it works. At least for me.

Stranger In Town - TOTO

Classic mid 80's song. Honestly how can you not like Toto? I suppose that you can but I think you might be a musical snob if you do. It is okay to be a musical snob. I used to be one and I still am in some ways. But if you are just own it. Don't deny it. Throw it in the haters face and force them to deal with it. Back to the song. I also find the lyrics pretty interesting and it has a catchy chorus.

Work, work, work. I would love to find a way to have some sort of gainful employment. At this point depending on what happens with week with the feds and unemployment I may need to see if I can find a job flipping burgers or cleaning toilets at the local burger emporium. Lord spare me. We shall see what happens.

There She Goes Again - R. E. M.

This is a cover of a Velvet Underground song and I like what R.E.M. has done with it. When a band does something clever with a cover it is usually something that is very nice to listen too. I think that is the case here. Good stuff.

Lonely Boy - The Black Keys

This is one of my favorite songs of 2011 and one of my favorite bands. Solid rockers and they put out a nice volume and depth of noise for a duo. This song has a nice beat and is easy to dance to.

Hey You - Pink Floyd

This is nice. Slowing it down as we wrap things up for the day. As far as I am concerned, Pink Floyd is always welcome at the musical party.

Keep it real and stay warm out there today folks. Be honest with and love each other.

Sick and Tired of It

Hey folks, I have not written for awhile and that is mainly because I have been basically holed up in my lair for the last week or so because I have had a pretty nasty cough and it has seriously hindered my ability to get to the coffee shop which is where I do the majority of my writings. But I am feeling like I can do a little this evening.

REM - Cuyahoga

I am still looking for needful employment. I have enjoyed living this life of leisure but it has grown both tiresome and boring. I need to move on to the next thing and to put some money in the banks. As much as I love living in this new golden age of Socialism under Obama it still seems that I have to work and I am just not getting my fair share of things from other peoples labors. I honestly thought that things would be better for the enlightened ones like myself and as much as I enjoy my thrice daily White Russians all that vodka is not free.

Well that and what was the point of my nifty new haircut if I can't get a job. I may as well have continued to grow my glorious locks and my lovely sideburns in perpetuity. It was not easy to cultivate those sideburns let me tell you. I have to now shave at least twice if not three times a week to keep my face so baby soft and let me tell you friends that is just exhausting.

REM - Gardening At Night

On an emotional level things are still kind of up and down. I have good days and bad days and I am sleeping better I suppose but even that is sporadic at best. I still miss Eric and I suppose that I always shall which is a good thing. But there are times now when that missing him is tainted by some anger and I do not particularly enjoy feeling that way. I may have addressed this before and if I have I apologize but here it is. I do respect the autonomy of the individual and when it is in the theoretical it is very easy for me to say "sure, people should have the right to determine their own existence." But in the reality of the aftermath. In the midst of the chaos that has been left behind for his family and friends I am not so sure.

REM - Find The River

I tried 5 times to write something on his Facebook page yesterday about how I was missing him and honestly all that came out was anger and I stopped myself from writing anything. Anger will not bring him back. Nothing will and intellectually I know that but it feels like my emotions have now slid into that stage of things. Whatever that stage is on the scale of stages. All I know is that I do not like or enjoy feeling angry about Eric. He never made me angry. I always enjoyed being around him and often he left me smiling or laughing or thinking deeply. He left deep deep roots in my psyche. Good roots from good experiences and good conversations that are wrapped around my soul and I honestly am glad that they are their despite the pain it causes me to think about them. My life is for the better because he was in it. 

REM - Oddfellows Local 151

All that being said. My life is not for the better without him in it. I muddle along trying to figure out what is next. I spend time with friends, I read and write and I listen to music and I meditate and I spend time with friends. But, the friend that I would like to spend time with is unavailable and always will be. Is that a metaphor for something bigger in life? I don't know and frankly I am not sure if I care right now. This is what happens when you write while you are all hopped up on the cold medicines. The synapses are firing on all cylinders baby!! You know you love it. You want a metaphor I have a metaphor for you.  

Who am I kidding I don't have a metaphor for you. No nuggets of wisdom to import. No moments of Zen to make your life worth living. Just the hope that you can keep on doing it day to day and knowing that I am here if you need someone to talk too. Because, I like to talk and for some strange reason people seem to like me. So catch you later folks. It's been real. Let me close with these thoughts from the film 'Pump up the Volume'

“Ok, this is really me now. No more hiding. Listen, we’re all worried, we’re all in pain. That just comes with having eyes and with having ears. But just remember one thing, it can’t get any worse, it can only get better. I mean High School is the bottom. Being a teenager sucks! But that’s the point, surviving it is the whole point! Quitting is not going to make you strong, living will. So just hang on and hang in there. You know, I know all about the hating and the sneering. I’m a member of the “why bother” generation myself. But why did I bother to come out here tonight, and why did you? I mean, It’s time. It’s begins with us, not with politicians, the experts or the teachers but with us. With you and with me. The ones who need it most. I gotta believe, with everything in me, the whole world is longing for healing. Even the trees, the earth itself are crying out for it. You can hear it everywhere. Same kinda healing I desperately needed and I finally feel has begun, with you.”
— Mark Hunter (Hard Harry)

We are all humans so lets keep loving each other okay and hey, give someone a hug tomorrow. Who knows it might just make a difference. 

REM - Begin the Begin.

I don't have much to say this morning. I didn't sleep very well last night and that bothers me. I actually had a couple of good days of sleep this weekend. But, sadly, it seems like things have returned to normal on this Tuesday morning. I hope my normal switches soon to me actually getting more sleep then I have been getting. Things went pretty well overall yesterday until I flipped the lights off and laid down to go to sleep. The chorus of voices started up again in my head and while I am aware of the pointlessness of them I seem to have a hard time controlling them or banishing them.

REM - Crazy

It isn't that I expect or demand total control of whatever random thought pops into my brain. Because to expect that would be just foolishness as far as I am concerned. I firmly believe like Peter Abelard that it isn't the appearance of a thought that is the sin or problem it is the acting on that thought that is the sin. That being said I tend to let my conscious  flow here and there. I like to think of it as my conscious being a stream flowing downstream and the different rocks that pop up here and there are my thoughts and so for a time a thought may surface and see the light of day but as time goes on things shift and change and the thought sinks back below the surface. That isn't always the case but that is how I choose to think of it.

REM - The One I Love

I really did love Eric. I know that may sound odd to some of you. But I don't really care about that. There are very few men in my life that I would think of as brothers, probably less then five and he was one of them. These are men that I care about and that I know care about me and would be there at my side in an instant if I needed them to be. That kind of brotherhood and friendship can be hard to find in the world and I feel lucky to have had that in my life. If, in Eric's case, it only feels like it is for an instant. But that doesn't make it any less real. That is just the reality.

REM - Be Mine

I really wish I had an understanding of what normal is supposed to be right now. I know that prior to his death things felt pretty normal in my life and I felt like I had a pretty good handle on things. This is not the case now. Not at all. But, what I hate even more then that is even as I write these thoughts out I question if I am feeling this in the "CORRECT" way. I wonder how other people are thinking I am doing and if they feel like I am doing it in the "CORRECT" way. Then I get mad at myself for even thinking that. Because even though I know at my core that such thinking is foolish, I am finding it impossible to break away from the self destruction of those thoughts. The unhealthiness of those thoughts.

REM - Cuyahoga

This continues to eat at me. I have lived a life being pretty successful at ignoring what other people think and doing what I want to do regardless of society. So it irks me that this should be an issue for me. Why, in this instance, should I care what other people think about how I mourn? It is my life and how I choose to live it is my business. It isn't that I am even that upset at the people that may or may not be judging how I process this. I am upset at myself for even caring that they might be. I know there is no "CORRECT" way so why am I even worried about it?

REM - Finest Worksong

Maybe I am missing the point and the "CORRECT" way is to do what I am trying to do which is to question and wrestle and process and fight and worry at this or maybe I need to set this aside and just let the thoughts surface and sink and just ride the flow downstream. I do not know the answer and right now I do not like not knowing the answer.

REM - These Days


"The key to wisdom is this - constant and frequent questioning, for by doubting we are led to question and by questioning we arrive at the truth."

Peter Abelard

I hope I get there one day. I really , really do. I suppose it is good to have hope in something, anything . . .

Random Music Tuesday

And away we go...

Hyper Chondriac Music - Muse - This was a trippy, trippy number. It very much feels like put the headphones on and smoke a bowl kind of music. I do not mind that but I do not listen to this type of music very often. It reminds me of one of my favorite ABC' Afterschool Specials'

Lift Us Up - Bonnie Prince Billy - I do not have the words for how much I love this entire album. There is a depth to it that I find so fulfilling and I love just closing my eyes and letting the whole thing envelop me. If you have the chance I highly recommend giving it a listen on Spotify. So good.

Kentucky Mandolin - Bill Monroe - One of the masters of bluegrass and boy does he light this Mandolin up. WOW. I can only imagine how fast his fingers are moving over the strings. Look out! I found a live version and now I do not have to imagine it and neither do you. I bring it to you below.

Okay, now that was legitimately impressive I thought. The whole thing. On we go with our regularly scheduled programming.

Secret Loser - Ozzy Osbourne - Classic Ozzy. Bang those heads folks. Bang those heads and check out that album art. Wowie wow wow.

The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonight - R. E. M. - Classic song and off of an amazing album Automatic For The People. I think that pretty much their whole discography is very good.

I really enjoyed today's mix of music. So good.

Tuesday Music Randomness

Hey folks, I am finally feeling a little bit better so how about we get back on the old music bandwagon and see what I can showcase for you today.

Queen - We Are The Champions. There is not not much to say about this song. I love it and I love this band.  This is not a song that I often track down to listen to, but when I hear it. I always enjoy it and having it be the first song is a great start to todays musical journey.

Queen - Stone Cold Crazy, Awesome this song is as close as one gets to Queen being heavy metel and I love it. This was also covered by Metallica and they did a pretty good job of it.

International Beat - Magical Feeling. Nothing brings a smile to my face like listening to a good ska tune and this is one of those. I love the way that good Ska makes me feel like dancing.

Hans Zimmer - Reunion - This one is from the Gladiator soundtrack and it is a song I enjoy but usually with my headphones on while I am just chilling in my room.

R. E. M. - King Of Birds. Such a good song and such a good band. Just listen to it and shut the hell up.

Catch you later folks