Monday Musings....

Today marked the beginning of a new thing for me. I started my new job at the Willamette Dairy Herd Improvement Association (WDHIA). It was a good day. I think the job is going to be interesting at times and I think that I am going to enjoy working with Joel and the rest of the other people there. It is going to be nice to just be actually working again and to actually have a schedule to follow as well as have a little bit of income coming in.

Down By The Water - The Decemberists

As much as I enjoy having the total freedom to do whatever I want to do, whenever I want to do it I also like to actually have a place to go to everyday. So this will be nice. The best thing about working again is that I will be able to go back to visiting the Broadway Coffeehouse on a regular basis and that will make me very happy. Though the happiness will also come with a touch of sadness.  The sadness will be there because one of my favorite baristas will not longer be working there and I will miss her greatly. She was the best of the best and a true artist and miracle worker when it came to latte art. But the best thing of all was that she was super nice and cool and things will just not feel the same without her there.

Yankee Bayonet - The Decemberists

That being said, and I do admit to having the tendency to being maudlin and overemotional at times, and in all seriousness I really will miss her. She was very nice and a good barista and I consider her a good friend as well. I am hoping that she has great success in her upcoming ventures. Though come to think of it. I am really going to miss having someone to share graphic novels with here in Salem. She had great taste in comics!!

Leslie Anne Levine - The Decemberists

The home opener for my beloved Portland Timbers was last Saturday and while it was seen in a torrential downpour and while it ended in a draw. It was still a great game to watch and it was great to be part of the experience. The expectations are high this season and I would argue that for some they are far to high and they are unreasonable.But, that being said, I do understand why some pundits and fans feel the way that they do about the chances for the team this season. We had an amazing season last year and the team feels even stronger. I am trying to be cautious about my feelings for the team because it is only Coach Porters second season and I think that we may have surprised some teams last season. So for this season I am hoping for another trip to the playoffs and a top 3 finish in the West and hopefully in the whole league. Along with an extended cup run. So we shall see. That being said. I hope that if the team hits a rough spot that the fans stay reasonable and do not seek to scapegoat any players or coaches in the echo chamber that is the Timbers Army.

We Both Go Down Together - The Decemberists

I am hoping to be able to continue my blogging. It may be hard to set up a schedule since I will be working from 7:30 to 3:30 but we shall see. Right now I am hoping that I can do some nighttime writing like this after work. But I am not sure if that is always going to work or not. I know how important it is too everyone that I continue to spread my wisdom to all of you and I wouldn't want to leave any of you deprived of my wit and wisdom.  So you know what to do. I need some time alone!!

Thoughtful Tuesday

It is interesting the things that can pop up that cause sadness. To be sure there are some things that seem pretty obvious to me when I get sad. But there are other things that at times can leave me almost blindsided by the origin. Sometimes it is because the level of sadness seems almost above and beyond the cause of the sadness and it makes me feel like my response is out of proportion to what triggered it.

I Could Be Dreaming - Belle and Sebastian

I have been divorced for nearly 5 years now and most of the time I do not think about my being divorced or even that I am single. My relationship or lack thereof does not bother me. I also rarely think about my age. I do what I do and my chronological age is really not an issue in how I live my life. I am old enough to vote and to drink and as far as I am concerned that leaves me old enough to do anything that I want to do. I rarely feel old. Though I have friends who while their chronological age may be younger than mine they also seem older than me. They may seem either more mature or just more tired and uptight. I also have friends who are older than I but seem much younger than me because of the way that they live their life. To be honest once you get past 25 or perhaps 30 everyone just kind of seems all the same nebulous age. If you are living an honest and authentic life you are going to live and do what you want to do regardless of what number is tacked on your existence.

Roy Walker - Belle and Sebastian

That being said, while I rarely feel or think about my age there are times when I distinctly feel my age. When that happens in can cause some angst and often what makes it worse is that it is so pointless for me to feel angst about situations that are beyond my control. But as is often the case with my crazy brain. I sometimes wonder is my angst truly because of the situation or is it because I think that I shouldn't be feeling angst about this and because of that I create a self fulfilling prophecy concerning things. Because despite my angst and confusion I also feel that I should be honestly feeling and experiencing whatever it is I am going through and if I do not then I am doing a disservice to myself and to my friends around me.

For Prayer - Wye Oak

It is one of those questions that I suspect I will never have an answer too. For good or bad. That is my reality. All that I can do is strive to be authentic and to be present in my pain. Because to hide from it and deny its existence will, I believe, lead to a much deeper unhealthiness and a much deeper emotional sadness that will impact my life in far worse ways. Sadly knowing that does not make it any easier for me to do it. I am a passionate man. I love things and people and I get excited about them and I invest in them. That is who I am. I feel things deeply. I would not trade that for the world. But there are times that when feeling deeply also means you feel much pain when things do not go like you thought you wanted them too go. Even when you did not realize that you even had expectations at all and even worse when those expectations were so far beyond reason that you had not even realized that you were thinking them.

Sun It Rises - Fleet Foxes

It is at that point, for me, that the self loathing begins. Because I should know better and I do know better then to grow attached to people that I can't have. So too speak. But for me the frustration comes because I do not feel like I am going out there and searching for things that I can't have. By and large I am who I am at this point in my life and I let people engage with me who want to engage with me. I do not hang out searching for some sort of unattainable manic pixie girl to fix me. As much as I would like it to be, life is not a Wes Anderson or Cameron Crowe film and I am never going to find either Margot Tenenbaum or Penny Lane.

And I am not nor will I ever be Richie Tenenbaum

Or William Miller.

Though perhaps I am. Because much like them I am unable to gain closure on this.

My Beloved Monster - eels

The disconnect that I feel about this is also frustrating because I know that I shouldn't bee feeling this way at all. One of the things that I would say that I hate about myself and I have actually very good self esteem because lets face it. I really do know how awesome I am. But I hate that my emotions and feelings have a very tenuous relationship with logic. When my emotions come to town they either drive my logic away or they lock it up in some sort of hole in my sub-basement and force it too put lotion on it's skin for when they make the inevitable skin suit out of it. Thankfully logic usually escapes the hole for a little while at least. I hate to think what will happen if emotion is ever successful in its quest for supremacy.

The Chimbley Sweep - The Decemberists

 Thanks for listening folks and always your likes and comments are welcomed and appreciated. I will keep on doing what I do. Listening to good tunes and loving others. We are all in this together and caring for each other is the best way to get through it together.

Thursday

Good morning folks and welcome to what looks like is going to be a snowy Thursday. We shall see anyway. The snow has not began to fall where I am but often if we start getting snow than that means that there is a fair amount already at the higher elevations. So we shall see what happens. We have plenty of coffee in the house and that is all that really matter to me.

You Are The One - The Sugar Bears

I believe that this was a fake cartoon band that was created to see Sugar Bear cereal. But I like the song. Classic 70's pop.

Now that football season is over I am can look forward to football of a different sort or soccer as we call it in America. My beloved Portland Timbers have already started their preseason camp in Arizona and have played two early practice matches. One against KC and one against Houston. The team looked pretty good in both matches. They tied the first one and won the second one 2 to nil. The numbers do not really mean a lot but it is nice to see that they are putting the ball into the net and making some progress. The thing that I am looking forward to this year is that the team will have had a solid year under Porter and that gives me great hope that this will allow them to turn last seasons 14 or 15 draws into wins. So we shall see.

King of Comedy - REM

This is not my favorite REM song but I do not hate it. I am not sure about it. Because it kind of has grown on me but I like a more clear vocal track. 

Suffragette City - Seu Jorge

I usually do not like covers of songs done by the sainted one. David Bowie but this song and several great ones were done for the "Life Aquatic" and are in Portuguese and are amazing. The movie is great and so is the soundtrack but that is not a surprise as soundtracks are something that Wes Anderson does very well. 

I find it interesting the different ways that the people in Salem and the Valley react to snow or the threat of snow. The reactions seem to range from really, really giddiness to people almost angry at the snow for it daring to challenge them. But what I find almost more funny is the people who are almost angry at the weather forecasters on the news. These people pay far more attention than I ever have to a local news broadcast and when snow is predicted they are first on the scene to point out that no snow has fallen and how the forecasters are just guessing all of the time. Usually just post after post of this on Facebook.

Finally Falling - Victoria Justice

Teen pop from the Nickelodeon machine. I do not care because I like teen pop now and then. It gives a certain sunniness to life and I like that. 

But what really amuses me is that when the forecasters get it right and the snow is falling fast and heavy and deep these people never ever acknowledge that the forecaster has gotten it right. I am not an apologist for the forecasters, that is not the point. The point is that if you are constantly going to be making a big deal out of something and then you are proven wrong or they are proven right. Well it is okay to acknowledge that you were mistaken and maybe even apologize for the abuse you have been hurling upon them. Would it kill you to be generous? What benefit are you getting out of not acknowledging your mistake? None of us are perfect and it is gloriously freeing when you realize that you do not know everything. Speaking only for myself, when I realized that I do not know everything and that I do not need to know everything and that I do not need to be correct all of the time. Well, life just became better. It will not hurt you to admit that you do not know the answer to everything. Try it. Just admit it to yourself and you will be amazed at how free you soon feel.

Hope - Judas Priest

This song is from the Priest concept album 'Nostradamus'. It is a pretty good album and Rob Halfords voice is still strong after all these years. 

Row Jimmy - The Decembrists

This is, I believe, a cover of a Grateful Dead song and I like it a lot. but I like both The Decembrists and the Grateful Dead a lot. So listen to it. 

Have a good day folks. Snow or not and love your neighbor and yourself. Free Hugs for all and keep on dancing.

Tuesday...

Good morning folks. I believe that I had three hours of sleep last night. I think. I am not sure what is going on with me but I tried to fall asleep around 11:30 or so and I was wide awake again about 2:45 or so. I imagine that today is going to be a rough one.

Man Alive - Billy Talent

This is a fast one to start us off today. I like Billy Talent and they are an example of what I think of as good music and the kind of music that often gets ignored in the entertainment industry of today.

I have been sleeping well lately so I am not sure what the issue is. I do know that there are times when I am unable to shake the worry and I think last night was one of those nights. I just lie there in bed and I worry. I couldn't get myself together enough to even meditate and mellow myself out. It was just a night of laying there in the darkness with my thoughts and I often would rather not do that. I would rather sleep when it is time for me to sleep. It benefits nothing and nobody least of all myself for me to lay there in the darkness and have the thoughts swirl around in my head.

I 4 U & U 4 Me - The Decemberists

This is a home demo version of the song and I really like it. But then I like everything that they do.

Perfect World - Billy Talent

This is from their 2nd album and a song that I really dig.

I find myself sitting here with my head tilted slightly to one side. My mind is blank as I listen to the music and try to hear a voice inside myself tell me what to write. I am waiting patiently for the voice to tell me what is okay to share with you and what is not okay for me to share. But it really feels like right now the vault is empty. There seems to be a slight echo in there. The wind whistles as it blows mournfully around the room and nothing is there to fill the emptiness. The walls are metal and grey. The floor is concrete and made shiny from the constant use and movement of the different baggage that has filled the room and been moved in and out at different times. I can only imagine that the room will be filled again one day but right now it sits empty and barren.

Sudden Movements - Billy Talent

This one is off of their 3rd album and another song that I think is great as far as I am concerned.

I sip my thermos of coffee and wonder what is going to fill the room. I don't think that it is necessarily good or bad that the room is empty. I am just not used to the room being empty. It does feel nice to not be on the verge of tears. But I never know one way or the other if that will change or if I am going to watch something that makes me tear up. I watched the wedding episode of the BBC's Sherlock Holmes last Sunday night and during the best man speech by Sherlock I totally was in tears. So I suppose one day without tears is nothing special. Though it does say something about my state of mind for the last 9 months that a day without crying is a notable thing.

Pocketful of Dreams - Billy Talent

The random machine is really locked in today. I do not mind though. I am really digging all of these songs.

I am not going to speculate about what the lack of tears means at all. It isn't worth it and I have no idea what the end result will be. It sometimes feels a curse to be as self aware as I am. I question my every emotion or intention. I think that is why I strive for daily zen and daily living on a moment to moment basis because then I am not questioning my very existence or being. It just gets tiresome to go through it on a regular basis. I do not think that self examination is a bad thing but I think that you can do to much of it and that can be a problem.

Brother - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

I like this band a lot and it wouldn't hurt for you to track them down if you like this song.

I watched a film from 1997 this morning called 'Bongwater'. It is an odd little film. It stars Luke Wilson and Jack Black and Andy Dick and Amy Locane and Alicia Witt and the late Brittney Murphy. It is based on a book of the same name that I haven't read and set in Portland, Or and New York City. It is just such an odd little film and a film that I feel like I used to enjoy years and years ago. I imagine that it was because it has Jack Black in it and he does a version of a Tenacious D song called "Jesus Ranch" and I was a serious fan of Tenacious D and pot and this movie had both. But other then that. It is really kind of an odd film. The story is kind of incoherent and at times the characters can be frustratingly unlikable. I feel like it comes from an odd time in film. The late 90's seems to have been infested with these kind of cheap knockoff ensemble films and I imagine it is Richard Linkletters fault now that I verbalize it.

Sorry - Trampled by Turtles

A great song by a great band.



I am not sure what I am going to be doing today. I may make an appearance at the coffeehouse since I am going to be up and around. Though I am have been trying to be careful with what little money that I have. So we shall see. Have a good day today folks and as always Keep On Dancing and Hug Someone Today. 

Creativity...

What happens when the creative well goes dry? Do you search for inspiration or does it have to happen on its own? What does inspiration even mean? If you have taken the time to search it out does it stop being inspiration at that point and is it just you using your own built in creativity? I suppose that their is no real answer to these questions and I am just kind of killing some time in the hopes that all of this writing causes something to pop into my head that lets me feel like I am being creative. But so far nothing is happening at all.

The Engine Driver - The Decemberists

There is a line from a Decemberists song - "I am a writer, a writer of fictions." I feel like that sometimes but I don't think that I do it very well and I honestly would rather write about honest things. That isn't always the easiest thing to do though because for me the honest things usually come from an emotional spot and I do not always have access to that emotional spot. I wonder sometimes if the emotional well that I draw from has a certain limit to its capacity and I am only able to draw from it when it is full. Perhaps that is what keeps me sane or should I say a level of sane? I just don't know. I do know that I enjoy writing and when it is going well there is often nothing else that I would rather be doing even if in the process I feel like my heart is being wrenched out of me or my tears are making it hard for me to see.

16 Military Wives - The Decemberists

There is just something that I truly love when as I write the words flow out of me and I see them appear in front of me on the computer screen. It energizes me as it continues and as my fingers move faster and faster and the words appear. It isn't like everything that I write down are genius words of wisdom but in the midst of the process it certainly feels like that is the case and when I am writing from an honest place it certainly feels like there is some added weight to what I am doing. I know that for me, when I write it does tend to be stream of consciousness stuff and so there usually has to be something that has triggered the thought or the effort.

Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect - The Decemberists

Sometimes it is as simple as the perfume someone is wearing or the clothes they have on. It could be some perceived slight that only I have picked up on and is not even real. But at whatever emotional level I am writing from it is real to me. In today's case it is a man wearing a plaid long sleeve shirt that he has buttoned up to his neck and black horn rimmed glasses. This bugs me and I am honestly not sure why. I know that he smacks of hipster from his full beard all the way down his skinny jeaned clad legs to his black Vibram 5-finger shoes or whatever it is they are called. It shouldn't bug me but oh it does. It does!

White Tooth Man - Iron and Wine

I shouldn't rail against the Hipster as I am one of them. I wonder if that is what frustrates me. I know that the way that I dress and the glasses I wear and the music I listen to are choices I have made at an honest level and I do so without any level of irony or detached amusement. I guess I wonder at the authenticity of others who look like I do. Is it jealousy? Perhaps it is. I honestly do not know. I do know that seeing the Hipster causes a visceral reaction in me that I am not always able to control as well as I would like to. This is all despite my attempts at being zen and detached. Perhaps that is my sin. Do I care to much? I wonder sometimes.

Your Fake Name Is Good Enough For Me - Iron and Wine

The Decemberists

I have written about this band before and I am sure that I will do so again. But thanks to some random occurrences in the last couple of days they are on my brain today. One of those random things being on the television show The Office last night. The episode last night was them attempting to start a spin off of of called The Farm. It was not picked up by NBC so there will not be any further adventures of the Schrute family and life on the beet farm. But one of the cooler things that they did on the show, was that they sat around as a family and sung a song by The Decemberists called "Sons and Daughters".  That was a small moment in the show, but I am a sucker for those kind of small musical moments in television shows so it totally worked for me.

Then this morning I read a review of the episode at AV.Club and the reviewed mentioned the entire album that the song came from. The album is called The Crane Wife and it is an awesome concept album. It isn't a concept in that the whole album covers one story but their are three kind of story cycles. The first one being a Japanese folk tale called "The Crane Wife"  about a man who heals a wounded crane and releases it. When the crane leave a young women appears at his door and they fall in love. They need money and the wife offers to weave some lovely silk clothes to sell at market but tells the husband that he can't ever watch her sew. As time goes on they begin to sell more and more clothes and the husbands greed begins to grow and the wife begins to grow sickly. He decides to peek in and watch her sewing because he is wanting more and more cloth from her and it turns out she is a crane and is sewing the clothes from the feathers that she is plucking from her own body. She sees him and flies away, leaving him eventually broke and alone. The song "When The War Came" is about the siege of Leningrad  and  "The Shankill Butchers" is a song set during the problems in Ireland and tells a story about a gang made up of members of the Ulster Volunteer Force they were Protestants and kidnapped and killed several Catholics as well as setting off explosives and may have killed as many as 32 people during their activities. All these stories together on the same album just make for a perfectly mixed album. So being thus encouraged I decided that I was going to listen to the entire album and not just put the music player on album. 

The whole album is like reading a book. In fact I would love to see a stage show or film made of the whole thing. It could be a Quadrophenia for the post millenium generation. Here are some videos.

All three parts of The Crane Wife sung by Colin Meloy.

When The War Came

The Shankill Butchers

Sons and Daughters

Listen to these and enjoy them, I know that I will be over and over again. 

The Violent Femmes...

I really, really like this band. I am not totally sure what it is about them as a whole and the only album of theirs that I own is the compilation one titled "Add it Up" which compiles their music from 1981 to 1993. Which is actually kind of lame of me now that I think about it.

There are a lot of people who feel that "Blister In The Sun" is their best song and don't get me wrong. I like that song quite a bit but I like "Gone Daddy Gone" even more. But for me the songs that I am most interested in and fascinated by are when the lead singer Gordon Gano became a Christian. There is almost an old time gospel feel to them and I really enjoy that kind of music.

Another song of theirs that I really enjoy is more of a classic 80's punk song called "Old Mother Reagan". The song seems dated now in 2013 but at the same time there is a certain energy and anger to it that still resonates with me today.

Their second album had a little bit of a twangy country feel to it. But, the first song on the album was called "County Death Song" and it for sure has an ironic feel to it. That being said I still think it is a good good song and it is obvious to me that someone in the Decemberists was inspired by this song when they wrote their big family murder ballad "The Rake's Song". That isn't a slam on The Decemberists by any means. I really, really like them and the live video I posted below is amazing.

I actually really enjoy listening to those two songs back to back. They just work well together. There is another song that for me just kind of transcends description and that is "Black Girls"

I can't fully explain it but the song just rollicks along and the drums are amazing. Their is just an upbeatness to the final part of this song that I really, really enjoy.

Thanks for joining me on this little musical journey through the Violent Femmes and please if their is a band that you think I should check out. Then please let me know about them in the comment section. I love learning about new bands. 

More Music (The Decemberists)

I have already written lots and lots about this band in previous posts. I usually listen to them at least once a day. It isn't always the whole album but I listen to a song or two. I really feel like there is not a song that I don't like of theirs. They are all amazing in one way or the other. So I am just going to put up a few of my favorite songs.

"Leslie Anne Levine" 2002 Castaways and Cutouts




"The Soldiering Life" 2003 Her Majesty






"16 Military Wives" 2005 Picaresque I love this song but I love the video as well. For two reasons 1. It reminds me of Rushmore. 2. I did MUN in college.



"The Infanta" 2005 Picaresque I just love the drums in this song.



"Yankee Bayonet" 2006 The Crane Wife



"Sons and Daughters" 2006 The Crane Wife Something about this song just works for me. I love it so much.



"The Rake's Song" 2009 The Hazards Of Love I love this whole album but I really really like "The Rake's Song" this is a live version.



"The Rox In The Box" 2011 The King Is Dead



There you go folks. I just love this band.

Music Monday: Rock Operas

I love music. I love music far more then most of my friends realize though there are some who do know how much I love to listen to music and the way in which good music affects me. One of the types of music I love is that of a concept album or in some cases a rock opera. Now I realize that there are some people who would contend that the whole idea of a rock opera is just silly and that most if not all rock operas are shite. I disagree and I am here to shed some light on the rock operas or concept albums that are my favorites of the genre.



One of my favorite all time albums is from 1972 and David Bowies "The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars". This is an album that has no weak songs on it. I think every song could have been a top single. True David Bowie is a freak but he was an incredibly talented freak and when people get all worked up about Lady Gaga I just think take a look at Ziggy Stardust and you will see and hear something truly amazing. This album is in my top 10 of all time albums regardless of genre.



OMG!!!! I love this band The Decembrists and this album "The Hazards of Love" so much. I can't say enough about how amazing this concept album is.
How could you ever pass up such an amazing story and an album that is filled with mind blowing music. If you need to hear the whole thing please let me know and I will do what I can to get you a copy.



I could go on and on about both The Who and "Quadrophenia" the album that basically blew the mind of a young high school lad. This album and film probably affected me more then anything in my life until "Fight Club" came along. This is another album that is in my top 10 regardless of genre. I do not believe that there is a weak song on this one either. I also feel that this album in it's entirety is far better album then The Who's Tommy.



Willie Nelson and The Red Headed Stranger pretty much speak for themselves. This is an album that is perfect for grabbing a pipeful of longbottom leaf leaning back and closing your eyes and giving this a listen.

And finally, for my buddy Shane I need to give him the genius that is Genesis and a track from The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway. I know Shane is a big, big fan of Genesis.




Well there you have it folks. Those are some of what I feel are the best Rock Operas or concept albums ever. I am sure there are others out there but these are the ones that I enjoy. (I purposely left out Pink Floyd and The Wall)

Wait! Wait! Wait! I couldn't just leave without giving you a taste of The Avett Brothers (pronounce it how you want) and their concept album "Mignonette" about some English Sailors and how they eat a shipmate.

MUSIC MONDAY April 18th 2011

Today is Sad Music Monday. I am not feeling particularly sad but I love a song that makes me kind of melancholy. So if this does make you depressed I apologize but just enjoy the lovely music.



I just like Adele the more I hear here the more I like her. So good.

Now on to business as usual. Today in music history April 18th the UK edition.

1953, Frankie Laine No. 1 in the UK with 'I Believe'



This was an interesting song. It was not what I think of when I think of music from the fifties. It almost seemed like a hymn. It was on the charts in the UK at No. 1 for 9 weeks.

1963, Gerry and the Pacemakers: No. 1 with 'How Do You Do it?' for 2 weeks.



I really enjoy this era of music. There is just something about it that brings a smile to my face.

1972, (Bonus Track) Royal Scots Dragoon Guards 'Amazing Grace'



Just a great, great song and on bagpipes one of my favorites of all time.

1973, Gilbert O'Sullivan at No. 1 with 'Get Down'



Wow!! I...this is so much like the Osmonds I am a little stunned and the way he looks on the album cover is just amazing. I actually really enjoy it.

1983, David Bowie at No. 1 with 'Let's Dance'



Anyone who knows me. They know how much I love David Bowie and really this song is no exception. I think it is nearly perfect as far as 80's dance pop goes. One of my all time favorites.

1993, Bluebells at No. 1 with 'Young at Heart'



Well, this was honestly not what I was expecting for 1993. I am not impressed.

2003, Room 5 Feat. Oliver Cheatham at No. 1 with 'Make Luv'



I just ugh. So, so, bad.

2011, Jennifer Lopez ft. Pitbull at No. 1 with 'On The Floor'



Sometimes music just makes me want to cut my throat. Why are people even buying this? It is just such bad, bad music and I hesitate to even call it music. It is being run through so many computers and so many drum loops and multiple auto tuners that any resemblance to actual music is completely missing.

So as a pallet cleanser I bring you the latest from the Decemberists 'This Is Why We Fight'



This is good music. This is why I listen to music. This is why music touches my heart and my soul. There is real depth and feeling to this. If the music that you are listening to doesn't impact you then why are you bothering to even listen to it. It is just a waste of your time and you are encouraging the industry to continue to create crap. So please just go away.