Where Do My Readers Come From?

Tuesday, January 28, 2014


Good morning folks. I believe that I had three hours of sleep last night. I think. I am not sure what is going on with me but I tried to fall asleep around 11:30 or so and I was wide awake again about 2:45 or so. I imagine that today is going to be a rough one.

Man Alive - Billy Talent

This is a fast one to start us off today. I like Billy Talent and they are an example of what I think of as good music and the kind of music that often gets ignored in the entertainment industry of today.

I have been sleeping well lately so I am not sure what the issue is. I do know that there are times when I am unable to shake the worry and I think last night was one of those nights. I just lie there in bed and I worry. I couldn't get myself together enough to even meditate and mellow myself out. It was just a night of laying there in the darkness with my thoughts and I often would rather not do that. I would rather sleep when it is time for me to sleep. It benefits nothing and nobody least of all myself for me to lay there in the darkness and have the thoughts swirl around in my head.

I 4 U & U 4 Me - The Decemberists

This is a home demo version of the song and I really like it. But then I like everything that they do.

Perfect World - Billy Talent

This is from their 2nd album and a song that I really dig.

I find myself sitting here with my head tilted slightly to one side. My mind is blank as I listen to the music and try to hear a voice inside myself tell me what to write. I am waiting patiently for the voice to tell me what is okay to share with you and what is not okay for me to share. But it really feels like right now the vault is empty. There seems to be a slight echo in there. The wind whistles as it blows mournfully around the room and nothing is there to fill the emptiness. The walls are metal and grey. The floor is concrete and made shiny from the constant use and movement of the different baggage that has filled the room and been moved in and out at different times. I can only imagine that the room will be filled again one day but right now it sits empty and barren.

Sudden Movements - Billy Talent

This one is off of their 3rd album and another song that I think is great as far as I am concerned.

I sip my thermos of coffee and wonder what is going to fill the room. I don't think that it is necessarily good or bad that the room is empty. I am just not used to the room being empty. It does feel nice to not be on the verge of tears. But I never know one way or the other if that will change or if I am going to watch something that makes me tear up. I watched the wedding episode of the BBC's Sherlock Holmes last Sunday night and during the best man speech by Sherlock I totally was in tears. So I suppose one day without tears is nothing special. Though it does say something about my state of mind for the last 9 months that a day without crying is a notable thing.

Pocketful of Dreams - Billy Talent

The random machine is really locked in today. I do not mind though. I am really digging all of these songs.

I am not going to speculate about what the lack of tears means at all. It isn't worth it and I have no idea what the end result will be. It sometimes feels a curse to be as self aware as I am. I question my every emotion or intention. I think that is why I strive for daily zen and daily living on a moment to moment basis because then I am not questioning my very existence or being. It just gets tiresome to go through it on a regular basis. I do not think that self examination is a bad thing but I think that you can do to much of it and that can be a problem.

Brother - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

I like this band a lot and it wouldn't hurt for you to track them down if you like this song.

I watched a film from 1997 this morning called 'Bongwater'. It is an odd little film. It stars Luke Wilson and Jack Black and Andy Dick and Amy Locane and Alicia Witt and the late Brittney Murphy. It is based on a book of the same name that I haven't read and set in Portland, Or and New York City. It is just such an odd little film and a film that I feel like I used to enjoy years and years ago. I imagine that it was because it has Jack Black in it and he does a version of a Tenacious D song called "Jesus Ranch" and I was a serious fan of Tenacious D and pot and this movie had both. But other then that. It is really kind of an odd film. The story is kind of incoherent and at times the characters can be frustratingly unlikable. I feel like it comes from an odd time in film. The late 90's seems to have been infested with these kind of cheap knockoff ensemble films and I imagine it is Richard Linkletters fault now that I verbalize it.

Sorry - Trampled by Turtles

A great song by a great band.

I am not sure what I am going to be doing today. I may make an appearance at the coffeehouse since I am going to be up and around. Though I am have been trying to be careful with what little money that I have. So we shall see. Have a good day today folks and as always Keep On Dancing and Hug Someone Today. 

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