Where Do My Readers Come From?

Sunday, April 28, 2013


Overall today was a good day. Things felt rather sunny, but for some reason in the last half hour things have taken rather an odd turn. I am feeling rather anxious all of a sudden and I am not sure why.

I realized today, that a conversation that I had before Eric's memorial service this last Saturday, was something that I had dreamt about, years and years before. But I had, had no context for the conversation and no idea what it was in relation too. I have "deja vu" incidents pretty regularly and I do not know if they are valid or not. But when they happen they certainly feel real to me. They are always in dream form and they are very vivid and then sometime in the future the incident happens in real time. I can't control them or know when they are going to happen or why. But it happens and as it does or soon after, I realize that I had seen or experienced it before.

I just want so much to have good days, I want to sleep at night. I want the people that I care about to not have to hurt. I want to fix them. I want to save them. I want to not be mad at the ways that other people are processing this. I want to take their pain away.

Well, I suppose blogging served its purpose, my mind feels a little more clear and I feel more calm then I was earlier. So thank the Lord for small miracles I suppose.

I know Eric liked, Leonard Cohen and hopefully this can bring some healing to those of you who are hurting like I am. I know that for me it is helping. Eric was not a traditional believer by any means, and neither am I. But he had faith and we all find comfort in many different ways and religious experiences can happen in many different forms. I love you Eric and I look forward with hope to when I can see you again. 
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